- Monday, April 16, 2007

Funny How

Evaporization occurs when heat touches water, composed of two hydrogen atoms and an oxygen atom. The vapors ascends heaven, its pace gradually slowing until coldness is contacted. Like birds that look alike, the vapors condenses and flocks together, forming cumulus clouds. Once a certain weight is formed, the condensed compounds start their suicidal fall, dashing through the atmosphere like swords cutting through human flesh, eventually landing on the ground. Thus, their kamikaze mission is accomplished.

The cold droplets hit my face. Every dimension of the water gushes through the air, spins around, screams 'mayday' upon nearing the earth, and splashes on me. It explodes and dances within the near air, and for a sudden, behold, its beauty with a bride's dress-like gown envelopes the surrounding splashing droplets with short glory until they return to the ground, sucked by the thirsty earth.

It wasn't painful to have these droplets attack me, not like how others describe as. It was... pleasure, somewhat indescribable. Every hit, every splash, sent a groan of satisfaction through my lungs, and all I could do is lie on the ground, and let the water erode me. If I lay here... If I just lay here...

At least with the rain falling on me, I couldn't feel the haunts of loneliness, something I once resented yet welcomed a lot. I pushed certain people aside, damanging friendships under construction; to some other certain poeple, I poured my whole self, as if I was contained in a jar, resulting in broken relationships. What wrong had I done if I concluded that eventually, sooner or later, all relationships - be it friendships or brotherhood or sisterhood or whatever-ships or-hoods you can think of - were meant to be broken, torn, disgraced, and despised?

Yet again, their false words of promises spoken out of guilty conscience fell to the ground, just like the raindrops. Probably it was I who made them say what they said. Probably it was I who deserved to be hurt in the first place. It is like fate. You can't run away from it, because sooner or later you have to face it. Either with pain and remorse, or with acceptance and forced-happiness. After all, I am just sports to others, a lab-experiment mouse, a test-drive car, a rough paper. Happy I should be, I tell myself, I try to convince myself, that at least, I am of some use to a certain extend. But I am not convinced, because of the lonely spell, the painful fate I can't escape from.

Perhaps I was a rejected specimen, an accident. Because I couldn't be destroyed long time ago, fate's wheel turned anti-clockwise on me, bringing continual hurts and pains into my life.
Funny how I couldn't blame God on this, funny how I accepted this somehow, funny how I loved it. Funny how I laid aside, paralyzed, and unnoticed by the good samaritans. Funny how, oh seemingly funny how.

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