- Saturday, June 02, 2007

No Title

As I type this, I am still at my church member's house. We had a gathering (only certain people were invited) for lunch, some fun, and building relationship (that's what they called). We gathered from 10.30am and started playing some games like Pictionary, which lasted until 1pm, and then had our lunch, and continued playing Taboo until 3pm. Then, we decided to play other games like ... [there's no name for it, might as well just describe it] ... all you need to do is to stuff minimum three ice into your mouth and read a certain word (or words) for your team members to guess. This game took about some time. And after that, the old school heart attack. And now, they're playing monopoly.

Well, this gathering got me thinking about certain things. One of them is one of the questions I used to ask: can relationship really be developed amongst people who have different backgrounds, different expectations, different abilities, different mindsets, different likes and dislikes, different interests, and different attitudes? If yes, how can it be possible? If no, why?

Because to me, perhaps only to me, relationships are just so-called 'bonds' that we cheat ourselves [I am not applying this to family relationships]. When something goes wrong, we get hurt and shun from each other. Oh yes, there are times we talk things out, but we have to, at the same time, be honest with ourselves. Will we - can we - really forgive and forget? Will the past - what has happened - really not have a foothold in our lives, or memories, or emotions?

It is not at the point of time when we realize that everybody is human - just like ourselves - that we stop getting hurt. There is no way to stop getting hurt, unless we build a thick wall around ourselves and convince ourselves that hurt will never be a part of us.

But is this justifiable? Is this right? I have to consider this too, simultaneously.

Perhaps I haven't learn the art of understanding the true dynamics of relationships.

Yet, isn't it normal to think that if we want a relationship to work, we have to be vulnerable? We have to spend time talking, show our true selves and emotions. Isn't this true?

But why do people run away, or push responsibilities, when a troubled friend approaches us - me?

What goes around comes around. But does this really occur? God said he is a god of grace. Hence, why does he avenge? Can't he show grace? Or is he not capable of doing so now? If God said He is grace, He is love, why then the phrase - do unto others as you would have them do unto you? Doesn't this fall into the same concept that we govern our lives, not God. For if we want a certain thing to be done to us, we cannot do to others first?

But yet, if we haven't stole or pickpocketted, why then, can our things be stolen, or pickpocketted?

What is fair now? What is justice? What is the truth?

Can we ever distinguish reality from fantasy? Which is which, that is the question.

*****

Anyway, I've come to a point of life whereby I must start to decide things for myself. I have to choose what my life would be, and will be, by making certain decisions and stick to it no matter what happens. I must decide what is more important: friendship or work.

What do I want for my future, I constantly ask myself. Is it friendship? Or is it success?

People can say that if I put emphasis on future success, I've to turn down a lot of activities, and thus, neglecting many friends. I've also heard Pastors or preaches talking that friendships are the building factors of our lives, for we learn how to be a person from relationships. And when this occurs, we do better in our jobs. But how long will this process take?

If I put my emphasis on my friends, or relationships, I can be sure that activities will keep pouring in non-stop, and will there be enough time for my work, my future? Can there be, first of all?

What do I want now?

*****

1 comment:

Heartbreak Kid said...

I think what your pastor said about friendship is true. They really do build our lives - be it negatively or positively. When we encounter a friend that zaps all our energy with their selfishness and problems, we learn to be more patient and understanding. We also learn to not emulate a person like that... and from a really good friend, we learn that the world is a place where friends who love you unconditionally are around. It sometimes take a little longer than normal and may cause undue stress and tears.. but haha cliche but so true - what doesn't break us only makes us stronger..

am I even making sense or have i gone on a ramble. Sorry.. lol