- Monday, January 07, 2008

25 Ways to Confuse Your Professors

25 Ways To Confuse Your Professors

1. Scratch your armpits several times during class. At a random time, raise your right hand, scratch your armpit with your left hand, and mumble a question.

2. Sit way at the back of the room, up against the wall, to get as far away from your professor as possible. While he/she is lecturing, shout out things like, "What!?" and "Speak up! You're mumbling!" If your professor advises you to sit closer to the front, tell him/her you can't because you're scouting the room for "assassins."

3. Put an alarm for class. Snooze it while yawning every time it rings. At the end of the class, look at your lecturer and say, "Thanks for the wonderful lecture. You have a melodious voice."

4. Dispute everything your professor says, no matter how simple. Try to get him/her to "prove" everything to you. Rant and rave about what a big liar your professor is. Yell at students who are taking notes, saying, "Stop writing down all these lies!"

5. Show up to class about ten minutes late. Hop into the room, yell, "Look out!", and fall onto the floor while attempting to sit on it. Get up, take a seat, and act like nothing happened. Do this every day.

6. Keep "accidentally" setting fires at your desk. Burn notebooks, papers, or whatever you have handy. Whenever you start a fire, no matter how small it is, start yelling, "Fire! Fire!" and run out of the room in a panic. Don't return for the rest of class.

7. Hide somewhere inside the classroom. Wait for your professor to take attendance. Don't come out when he/she calls your name. Halfway through class, jump out and yell, "Just kidding! I'm here! Fooled you again!" Sit down and be quiet for the rest of class.

8. Wrap yourself in bandages and come to class in a wheelchair. Throughout class, cry a lot and moan things like, "Why me?" and "Please kill me!" Get up during class, like you're going to miraculously start walking. Instead, fall down, cry out in pain, and wait for someone to help you back up. When class is over, say, "I feel better now," leap up, and run home.

9. Come to class with a jar full of angry hornets. Five minutes into class, release the hornets, scream, and run away.

10. Bring a vacuum to class. Halfway through class, stand up and start using it. If your professor objects, explain that you "can't stand sitting in this pigsty any longer." Keep vacuuming, grumbling angrily.

11. Bring a small cactus to class with you. Raise your hand, and when you're called on, say that the cactus has a question. Turn and look at the cactus, as if you're waiting for it to say something. After a few moments, shrug, and wait for your professor to move on. Do this once a day, and become increasingly irritated with the cactus every time, sighing heavily and giving it evil looks when it fails to "speak." When you leave the room after class, start yelling at the cactus, "I can't believe you embarrassed me AGAIN...."

12. Every time your professor stutters, do a shot. If he/she objects, explain that drinking games make the class more interesting.

13. When your professor gives you a syllabus, take it home, correct it, give it a grade, and return it to the professor. Demand extra credit.

14. Come to class every day wearing scary Halloween masks. Try to get your professor to guess who you are. Make a fake roar, look at him and ask, "Are you scared now?" If he shakes his head, repeat the actions. Do it everyday.

15. Get the whole class to show up a few minutes early, and throw a surprise party for your professor. Insist that you can't start class until he/she has a piece of cake. Keep asking people when the strippers are going to arrive.

16. Instead of taking notes, do an abstract painting during every class. Call the paintings things like, "Professor Acting Like Mr. Know-It-All" or "Idiot Who Doesn't Know What The Hell He's Talking About." Give the paintings to your professor as gifts.

17. Wait for your professor to mention a date, and then yell out, "Bingo!" Apologize, and explain that you got confused.

18. Carve a bust of your professor out of cheese. Tie a ribbon around it, and present it to him/her at the beginning of class. Demand extra credit.

19. Write your professor a note that says, "I'm going to be about 15 minutes late. Go ahead and start without me." Wait outside the building until the time when class is supposed to begin. Tie the note to a rock, and throw it through the window.

20. Write down everything that your professor says, word for word. Think up a melody, and turn the words into a song. Bring a guitar to class and perform the song for the class. Explain to your professor that he/she is "very inspiring."

21. Get a monkey, and bring it to class with you. Tell your professor that you've hired the monkey to take notes for you. Sit back and relax during class, letting the monkey scribble on a piece of paper. When it comes time to write a paper or take a test, write down things like, "I wish I had a banana" and "I miss my tire swing." Assuming you get a bad grade, angrily fire the monkey in front of your professor.

22. When you have to write a paper, get it done early and mail it to your professor's house. From then on, don't hand anything in, and blame it on the sluggishness of the U.S. Postal Service.

23. Tell your professor that you'd like to interview him/her for a writing class. Get him/her to tell you his/her life story. Act interested, and write down everything he/she says. Fabricate a few romantic interludes and turn your efforts into a trashy romance novel. Make copies for the entire class, and your professor. Demand extra credit.

24. Draw hearts and flowers on the backs of your papers and tests. Next to them, write things like, "You're the best, even though you suck" and "You're the worst professor in the world, but I still love you."

25. Start asking questions in a fake foreign language. Act like your professor is stupid for not being able to understand you. Get other people in the class to start speaking the fake language too, and have frequent discussions during class. Act like you're really interested in what you're discussing. If your professor tries to interrupt or stop you, act annoyed and motion for him/her to quiet down.


June said...

hahah the first one is so funny.. it reminds me of some of the guys in class who like to scratch their armpits -.-

Jon Chu said...

you actually have classmates doing that in class?
did they scare the lecturer? Haha..

pervertism101 said...

When I first saw his book, it was in a public library volume 1, 3, 4, 5 and 8. Then I bought 10, and 11, 2 and 9. You can imagine how patched are my knowledge on the story. Thing is his beginning and the final few volumes are quite nice to read, but he takes his time to develop things, and you feel it all starts to get draggy, especially 6, 7, 8 and 10. I like his originality and the where the characters are involved in conspiracies within cospiracies. Very complicated sometimes and there are MANY characters to remember sometimes. Despite being somewhat typical with the Chosen One against the Great Villain, other details of the story captures the imagination. It is to the extent much more rich than LOTR itself (my opinion).

You've read the synopsis. If you're still not sure, read Volume 1 first and see how. I got hooked since I read it and am re-buying all my missing volumes.

Yes, it is draggy and tiresome. But I've come to love it. By the way, where did they sell it? I want to buy!!

Anyway, you mind telling me where you're studying now? And from where?

Ps. I just finished The Magician's Guild and I see you have The Novice!!

Jon Chu said...

Ha. I see. I will wait for the warehouse sale and purchase the first book again. :)

I am studying in Life College, doing Diploma in Mass Communications. :)

And yes, I have the whole trilogy of the Black Magician. :D What do you think about the story?

sUmMeR said...

you're crazy :D

nice entry :)

Jon Chu said...

HAHA. :D thanks.

usws said...

You thought of all 25? Cool.. not sure if they'll confuse your professors though, more like scare them to kingdom come and start filing restriction orders against you. :D

Number 11 is good.. I can imagine the part about yelling at the cactus. LOL! Would be nice though if someone actually did anyone one of this. Besides number 1 since we already have testimonies above.


p.s. Videotape yourself if you decide to carry them out. I'll pay to watch. HAHA!

Adlina said...

By the time I'm done, I'll find myself out of the lecture hall holding a sign that says 'I'm A Monkey - Watch Me Jump!'


Nice post~

Jon Chu said...

Videotape? Hm. I wouldn't want to jeopardize my life in College. HAHA. It was written for your - the readers' - amusement. :)

LOL. Thanks! :D

jeannie said...

LOL!! I don't think these methods will confuse the teachers..Most probably the outcome will be people thinking you're mad! XD
I would never ever dare to try these. I've heard my friend telling me what she once did though...She handed in her exam paper with only a word to the question. The word?? 'Whatever'

Jon Chu said...

HAHA. And did she fail the exam?

jeannie said...

You bet her mark's low. The teacher must be frustrated. She was told to see the teacher after class. But I really salute her for her courage although it really sounds outrageous. XD