- Friday, September 12, 2008

A Reminiscence

Memories were brought back in an instant when Suit Lin asked me to view this familiar post by Joanne Soo Liyeng.

It was basically a planned birthday surprise for the birthday girl. Now that I think about what we did, they were basically insane but nevertheless heartfelt and hilarious:
  • Sent a total of 38 letters to her which reached her house right on that day
  • Sang modified Christmas carols outside her house. One of the songs was "Gloria"

    Modified "Gloria"
    Angels we have heard on high
    Standing in front of your house
    Not throwing tissue paper
    But singing a nice song

    Jo.........................anne Soo
    In Bandar Kinrara
    Li.........................liyeng
    In Bandar Kinrara

    Don't think we are insane
    Because you are insane
    Don't do the ... sign
    Because it's a vulgar sign

    [Note: if you are wondering why we were so random about throwing tissue paper, continue reading! =)]

  • Went shopping and bought some mini gifts for her
  • Wrote and sang her a song
So why were we so random?

Here is why: from Kennysia.com (one of the comments)
(Note: I didn't censor the f-words. Lazy la! XD)

OKAY. YOURE GONNA THINK IM FREAKING WEIRD AFTER THIS. BUT JUST HEAR ME OUT, AND DONT DO IT YOURSELF, COS IT DOSENT WORK.
okay, so im totally in love with this guy right. no wait, hes a GOD. he is a fucking GOD.

first day i meet him, he looks like a GOD. he even has rings of purple around his head, just like buddha does, but even brighter. he was working at this restaurant. and i didnt know what to do when i saw him. he was just the greatest thing i had ever seen. like, his hotness was insane crazy insane that i felt scared to even touch him in case i got burnt with his hotness. TSS. so, the next day i go back and i ask for a job. they werent giving one away, so i told them that i am actually from THE STAR newspaper doing a cover on "minimum wage in malaysia and it's effects on modern globalization" i had no fucking idea what it blinking meant, but to the owner, it sounded impressive so he signed me up for a week. AHHHHAHAHH! i was estatic. so, i managed to talk to the guy.

his voice was like.. ok, his voice sounded like BUDDHA+JESUS+BRAD+OPRAH all mixed into one. his words were like.. seriously i dont even remeber what he said to me, but he definately wasnt interested in me. as muched as i want to hope and pray he definately wasnt. i worked as a waiter, and he was behind the bar.

i found out a few things about him, his email, phone number and ADDRESS. hoho. i am a professional lover/stalker now. i hardly ever spoke to him, i just searched the restaurant's computer for his details. sometimes, im even scared of breathing near him. i dont wanna take up his sacred oxygen. that will cause a serious unbalance to the world's extinct population of hottness.

so after a week, i had to leave. but, i had his address!!!! and his number.. =O the same night i left my 'cover job' i went to mph and bought this book about witchcraft. i then made a spell for love. the ingredients and actions were stupid as hell, but what the heck. i had to go out at 2. am to seven 11 and buy two packets of condoms. the book said that it was so that it will bless my future mind blowing sex with the guy. if that was the case, ill gladly buy every condom in malaysia.

so, i got the ingredients and burnt them, and then went to his house and spread the ashes on his front porch. his cat was sleeping on the top of his car, so i chucked some ash on it's fur as well. the next thing i did was call him. i dont know why i called him, i didnt dare ask him out or anything, but i just wanted him so bad.
so basically, this was our conversation.

me: HEY!!

guy: hello.

me: hi hi!

silence..

guy; err.. who;s dis?

me: oh! sorry! i am from the ministry of the city council. (wth does that mean???)

guy: oh.. ok. what can i do for you?

me: we are running a project that needs curent and accurate statistics from our community. i would like to ask you about your local.. local.. indian temple.

guy: what?

me; err. local indian temple.

guy: err. ok.

me: so, does the burning and smoke from the temple distrub you at all?

guy: no.

me: does the smell from the coconut milk irritate you?

guy: err. no.

me: how do you feel about free food that is given to the poor at the temple?

guy: i think it is good.

me: so, how do you feel about sex before marrige?

guy: what??

me: thank you. goodbye.

and ill put down the phone.

i did that only once. i didnt dare call back in case he recognised my voice.
i also took photos of him working in the restaurant, and i printed it out on stickers, and every night, before i sleep, i stick a sticker on my lucky birth mark that is on my right buttock.

i have no idea what sort of music he likes, so i send him different cd's every two weeks. i write a note on it saying it is from hit's f.m. or just crap something.
you know how u see in the movies, when your boyfriend'girlfriend wants to surpirse you at night when you are sleeping. so, i wanted to do that for him. he didnt know we at all, and it might be a lil creepy for him seeing a person he does not know at all below his window. but i dont care. i just had to do it. ive seen it so many times in the movies, i just had to try it!

so, i bought a bunch of red roses and candles and a fat big red ribbon. and i waited until it was 3.00 a.m. and then went to his house. and i tied the ribbon wround my waist. (I AM THE PRESENT. hoho.) and lit the candles and held the bunch of roses. then i took the pebbles from the road and threw it at the first window i saw, which was right of the house door. (I HAD NO IDEA WHICH ONE WAS HIS WINDOW) i threw a small one first, but the window was too far and too high. so i figured if i threw a heavier one, by some bloody physics miracle+ calculation, the energy would add up and cause the pebble to travel further. i threw a couple of times but missed. i kept on hitting the grail. so, i threw the last time and the bloody pebble hit his window and blinking made a hole through it. it didnt crack and break the whole window. it just made a hole in it. the lights went on, and i started freaking out. i ran, leaving the roses and the candles behind, with the stupid ribbon on my waist i ran.

i tihnk that pretty much sums up how much of an idiot i am. but i am so in love with him. maybe it is just lust. but i want him so bad! after a couple of weeks, i walked by the restaurant and saw him with his hands over a girl, laughing like she had just made the world's most fantastic joke. -.- there isnt much space left to type, but i sorta found out where she lived. she had a tank of fish and a cute shih-tzu on her porch. i climbed over the gate in the middle of the night. (THANK BLOODY GOD THERE IS NO SENSOR ALARM. I TESTED FIRST BY THROWING TOILET ROLLS OVER THE GATE) i gave the dog a hair cut.. hahha. like a ridiculous haircut. and then i pulled two of her fishes out of the tank and brought it home with me. it case they ever do get married, i will cook the fish and eat it to their celebration.

- iwilleatyourfrogalive (18 oct 2006)


I dare you try them! XD

Okay lar! Back to assignments! XD
Hope you had a goooood laugh. =)

5 comments:

chev. said...

haha. this is funny! tink i cud get the exact url for this comment? or the title of the blog post this was commented on?

Zim Sen said...

WTH!!!

What kind of funny story is this???

No jon I will not try them. I'll probably end with more scars than your dog than me.

Yes, you heard me. YOUR PMS-ING DOG XD

Jon Chu said...

[chev]
Have to find. =) Shud be okay geh! haha...

[zim]
wei. u not dog lar. XD

Zim Sen said...

Still I have to admit, this is really like uber stalker level man.

It's gonna be creepy if it happens to any of us yeh?

Jon Chu said...

Don't worry. It won't.