- Wednesday, July 22, 2009

My Words My Heart

There's this thing about creating. It gives you the chance to unlock those pent up emotions within you in a way only you would understand. Be it writing, composing, scriptwriting... there is this chance for you to slip in subtleties and parts and pieces of yourself inside the work and no one will see these subtleties. Even if they do, it would only be a few correct guesses.

Right now, the urge or need to write, to create has somehow died down a little. I do not get the inspirations I used to be able to, I do not find the words that used to flow so fluidly through my fingers or speech. Maybe it's the pressures of life and disappointments of friendships and relationships I had once placed so much emphasis on, so much so that I have become blinded by what I really need, what kind of relationships and friendships I really want.

Perhaps it's also the need to say something has somehow died. The need was once loud, horridly loud. I wanted to tell so many people that I am just like everybody; I have troubles and worries, without which I'd be considered weird and abnormal. But somehow along the way, I suppose those who once listened have left, and the ones around are occupied with their own boyfriends or girlfriends, internships or studies.

Conversations have grown shallow, as if we were acquaintances. I wouldn't be surprised if one day my reflection decides to pop out of the mirror and start talking to me.

I remember once I wrote a post that had the words: I think I need to get a life or new friends. The next day a friend told me that I needed a life and not new friends. But as I sat and thought through, maybe the converse is true. Maybe I need new friends who know how to keep secrets, who know how to listen and not just rant about themselves, who know that I treasure silent moments, who know that to me quality time doesn't mean talking, talking and talking (nonsense), who know that although sometimes it's fine to talk about girls but sometimes it's more fun to talk about intellectual stuffs and sometimes nothing.

Maybe that's why sometimes I choose to dwell in solitude and sometimes, when there isn't a choice, in loneliness. I dare confess too that sometimes it isn't pleasant to know that you are alone and that you want somebody to accompany you, but in life, you can't get everything you want. Hence, you have to make do with what you have.

As I think back, the songs I've written, all had meanings. They weren't just lyrics although I'm a very huge amateur when it comes to writing lyrics and composing melodies. They had so much meaning behind each line, each verse; and if I were to explain exactly what I wanted each song each line to mean, I'd take a long time to just talk about one song.

But oh well, so much of typing, and I'm unsure where this post will head to. I might as well stop. As I am writing this, I am listening to Kelly Clarkson's "If No One Will Listen". Emo song, but has a lot of depth to it. To those who need somebody to listen, continue your search for that somebody or some people who can understand your love language or friendship language. After all, all of us talk differently, if you noticed.

God bless.


ah^kam_koko' said...

All the best in your search for serenity, Jon!

Crystal said...

as an artist once said:

"I have pretended to go mad in order to tell you the things I need to. I call it art. Because art is the word we give to our feelings made public. And art doesn't worry anyone."

Jon Chu said...

thanks!! =) although it ain't easy.

Haha! I know where you got it from. =) but thanks. thanks for commenting. =)