- Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Of Sacrifices and Dreams and the Road to the Future

I've never seen myself as being as extremely capable like some of my friends or those people whom I get the privilege to interview for The Hailer Magazine.

I've never been certain what I will be in the future, but what I do know is what I enjoy doing.

The thing about my abilities is that I've never been a master of something. There are people out there who are particularly good in something; but when I look at myself, I couldn't say so for myself.

I can write, but I do not particularly have a flare for good, interesting writing. I can play the piano and compose some simple songs, but I can't compose orchestra scores. I can't play as beautifully as great musicians out there. Whenever I reach a tough scale, I can never seem to get it. I suppose my fingers are stiff and not as flexible as I want them to be.

But like Crystal, I have sacrificed a many whole lot to get where I am today. While I don't know exactly where I stand at this moment, especially since I am coming to an end of a phase in life (college life), and I look at those people who have accomplished something in their lives at my age, I shake my head and wonder why I am so behind.

I have sacrificed many social gatherings and decided to go for classes or work. I confess that I do not have a group of friends who will stick with me through thick and thin, and that my circle of friends is unlike many of those extremely sociable I know. All I have is a group of different friends. Some of them know what they want in life and race to grab their dreams. Some of them enjoy life and worry about nothing. Some procrastinate but have immense potential. Even though I do not have a great deal of friends, I have found joy in my classes and work, and I hope that the times I have invested in would one day help me.

I have sacrificed sleep so much that if it was a loan from the bank, I'd be bankrupt. I stay up late to do work, to design, to read, to explore.

I have my passion for drawing. Since young I have always drawn. Nonstop. I remember sitting down in the evenings with my sister, drawing while making up stories. And I will tell my little kid story to my sister every evening without fail. She'd sit and just listen so intently to my little stories and that was how we spent our evenings. Throughout time, my drawing did improve. I started to venture into drawing human faces, but halfway through, I gave up because I realized if I were to aspire to be an artist, I'll only be rich after I die.

Despite the above, there are somethings I've always wanted.
  • I have always wanted a library. Unlike Jeannette who wants to be a librarian, I want to own a library. I like the sight and smell of books. The knowledge within, the stories within constantly call me to them. I suppose it's the book worm within that yearns to read and discover more although I do not have that much time to gobble everything down.
  • I want to have a whole building just for arts. I don't mean just drawing. I mean theatrical works, music, dance, photography, recording and so many more. It's somewhat like KLPac, but something more than that. I want it to be a hub where people can come and learn, and be exposed to arts. I want to give young people the chance and reason to pursue their dreams instead of sacrificing their dreams just because there wasn't enough facilities or acceptance.
  • I want to be a scriptwriter and director one day. I do not want to just write stories and keep them in my hard disk. I want to use these stories and speak to people. Think Christopher Nolan -- that is the kind of director I want to be. I want to be the kind of scriptwriter who writes stories that have so much more to offer than meager stories like Transformers. No doubt I enjoy action movies, but I think I enjoy fiction stories more -- those like The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.
  • I want to be a composer. Somebody as good as Paul Englishby and many other composers. I want to write scores! I want to be able to go to a band and have the authority to tell them what is going wrong and where. I want to be able to play the cello and violin and saxophone. I want to master piano (which I am far from that). I want to...
I think I have many more dreams. Perhaps more than I can count. I have this issue -- I am extremely greedy; I want to be good in everything I do. It may not be possible, but why not? Why not strive in doing whatever I am undertaking and give my best? After all, there is no harm to that, aye?

So what are your dreams? Do you think they are worth pursuing?


Suit Lin said...

I dream to wake up each day and not fear my shadow nor my potential to be great.

I dream to sleep each day with the peace that I have given myself the best day of my life. YET. XD

2 1 !

I dream also for Friday! Last turn to the finish line now, lets see you enjoy the last few strides and kiss the sky at the end. =)

jeannette said...

"I have this issue -- I am extremely greedy"

I found this extremely funny. But I'm also very greedy. If I was a superhero, I'd want to have the power of Imagination because then I could have whatever power I want. All I would need is to be MORE imaginative.

Anyway, yes, I think I will write a list of things I want to do on my blog and link back also.

Lynette Natasha said...

YOU should be writing for that Hailer article! *GAAAHH*

ah^kam_koko' said...

Every living person should have a dream of something he yearns to achieve in the future.
It's the blood that beats in our soul.
It's the reason we wake up every morning.
It's the reason we toil & toil in the mundane day in & day out.

Dreams can be good, bad, small or big.
As long as they're there, they give humans a sense of purpose.

I dream of a hot wife to come home to every day & adore her.
That keeps me going.

Chev said...

Lol @ Lynette. Don't la.. I'm sure the article will turn out fine. :)

Jon, in my future home, one of my rooms is already reserved to be my mini library (depends on how big my house is though). I imagine it to be a smaller version of the character Laurie's grandfather's library in Little Women.

And like you, I feel mediocre in everything I do. But you're more blessed than you know it Jon. You may not be Beethovan, but at least you can perform in front of a small group of people with your piano playing and singing; I can't. You come up with good layouts for posters and magazine articles/pages using indesign while I barely manage. And I could go on and on about the things you can do that most people admire you for, but I won't. Take up too much time la.. =b

But if all skills could be measured right, you'd definitely be way ahead of me in the road of success already.

Jon Chu said...

The race is done! YAY!!! Can't believe it you know? It's like yesterday I just started. But now, I'm done! I'm friggin DONE!!!

LOL! Why is it funny? It's true what! Aren't we greedy? We want to constantly attain what was initially not ours.

Hahaha! Well, it's good YOU wrote the article. =)


Fuiyoh. Please don't forget to invite me to your wedding ok? Kita kan kawan? =P

And yeah, I think not everybody dreams. There are people who live from day to day, only hoping each day is spent without problems. They do not dream. Either they've forgotten how to dream, or they've given up dreaming.

Oh? Then we can visit each other's library. I have a room reserved for books.

Concerning our skills, I think we have different sets of skills. Haha. I can't friggin dance. But you can. =)

Hence, I don't think both of us should try to outsmart/beat each other; because we always end up on a different scale measurement. I'll take cm. You'll take inch. HAHAHA! =)

Crystal said...

"halfway through, I gave up because I realized if I were to aspire to be an artist, I'll only be rich after I die." I disagree!! Maybe in Malaysia... But there's opportunity everywhere to do whatever we want to do if we're looking properly and IF the timing is right. Timing is everything.

After all, nobody told Apple they couldn't take an everyday music player thingamajig that is only compatible with ONE music management application and turn it into the world's HOTTEST mp3 player and a staple of modern city life. And so they did.

Nobody told the guys behind Facebook that we needed another social network. Look who's ranked at the top of the myriads of social networks now.

No one thought it was possible to make money from writing, let alone blogging. Look at the number of full-time bloggers and e-book authors who earn enough to live off their earnings as a full-time job.

We're not any smarter than our previous generations. It's simply that we are more aware of our capabilities. The ancient Greeks, the people who built Atlantis, and so on - they were aware of our human capacity and they designed ingenious architectural structures, devised sophisticated, complex systems of education and government because nobody told them they couldn't. And so they did. :)

It's so interesting la. Studying the history of the world. All the different revolutions. The Renaissance. The awakening. Etc. Different eras and periods in history but so often it seems that we are destined to repeat a cycle of gaining, losing, and regaining knowledge. So interesting I tell you!!!