- Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Screw-Up and I

Is it better to sit back and let the world pass you by while you just take life easy, or is it better to plunge your head into learning, working, experiencing with the knowledge that you will somehow screw up? Which is better?

I have quite an affair with Screw-up. Whenever I embark on something, I have this constant reminder behind my mind that I am somehow going to screw up - which often happens. Sometimes these mistakes (and incompetence) leave me stranded in a land of self-pity where quiting seems easier, where forgetting about trying hard and striving for excellent seem convenient and somehow, more admirable.

Here's the analysis: If I were to sit back and strive for convenience while letting the world pass me by, if I were to just give up on myself and not try hard to achieve at least something, I wouldn't gain insight and experience. I would never be somewhere, learn something, be someone. But I wouldn't be a thorn, I wouldn't need to fight for myself, my rights, my passion. I wouldn't need to be harsh and see to it that things are being done on time. I wouldn't need to make enemies or taint good impressions.

But if I were to strive hard for excellence in whatever I do, tell myself that I can do it no matter what is placed before me, I would surely gain experience and attain achievement, but I will surely somehow screw up. At least that is what experience taught me. People who used to have good impressions of me would start to rethink their opinions about me, people who would previously be more than glad to work with me would think twice if they want to continue doing so... If I were to try hard enough, and these are all that I get, maybe it's not worth trying, working hard, believing. Maybe it is better to just sit back and enjoy - like many of my peers do.

Like it or not, these screw-ups are always major. I can pass them off as things that I have to go through to be where I want to be. I know that the path to my destiny is tough, especially since I do not have what many fortunate ones out there have. I have not silver or gold, brilliance or intelligence, and all I have is what I have learned and my instincts. Along the course of trying hard, I often meet with walls and somehow, due to my ignorance, I hit my head against them. Now here's the funny part: I only feel pain after - say, a day or two? Or worse, weeks!

As I sit back and ponder about what the different screw-ups I have had in my life, part of me feels like curling up into a ball to sob until I sleep, to adorn myself with the self-pity I have successfully compiled throughout my lifetime. Yet, there is another (rather small) part of myself that tells me to remain optimistic because I will someday achieve something without screwing up.

I suppose that is how life is - one day bleak and one day cloudy. Somehow within the months and years, one will encounter several sunny days, but who is to say how often these days come by?

Is taking chances (still) worth it?


ah^kam_koko' said...

Well, you'll never learn until you feel the pain!
So I guess you've learned a lot more than many others in your generation!

Jon Chu said...

You think so? Haha.
I think I am so far away. But anyways, no pain no gain! YOSH!!!

BeCkY** said...

It is better to screw up than to never take any chance, at the very risk, you won't be regretting right, well, I hope you won't anyway..