- Saturday, January 30, 2010

Mountains



Joanne Soo has always been one of the few I admire a lot. She's this power lady who gets to soar above any shit that is thrown at her. Yes, she has her tales of brokenness and heartaches, but as much as that is concerned, her ability to conquer, to rise above all, to shine have always put me in place of awe.

She wrote about how she loved dark stories nowadays, and while reading, I couldn't help but keep nodding. I understand how it feels to find beauty in death and pain instead of stupid, raging-hormones, puppy-love romance. Maybe that's why I've never liked Taylor Swift.

I see strength in killing than saving because of love, in sacrificing and being alone than crying out loud and saying words like "I miss every second you are not by my side". I would scream within myself, "For Christ's sake!" when people tell me Taylor Swift is hot, when they tell me about their romantic evenings or nights with their so-and-so, when they relate to me stories of other couples they consider romantic.

For Christ's sake.

I see truth in negativity and frown at positivity. I do not believe in positive mental attitude. But I believe in being positive in certain things.

Maybe I'm jaded. Maybe not. Who is to say?

*****

Like Joanne, I've been thinking a lot about my writing, my future. Everything seems so uncertain right now.

I understand that uncertainty is part of life, but therein lies the adventure. When you are unsure about what is to come, there is so much you can speculate about, and you couldn't go wrong - because all you did was speculate!

But this got me thinking even more. My abilities, my drive, my passion.

I have always disliked this about me - I can do a lot of things, but I can't specialize in something. Some people just have the ability to do almost everything and do them excellently. (Like Joanne Soo and Crystal Cha)

I can write, but my writing - honest to goodness - sucks. You know how those authors out there can write so beautifully and captivate millions? Yeah, they can do it so well. Why can't I?

So I present before myself thousands of mountains I can't seem to conquer, and I'm frustrated. But then I realized this: I'm only 20 (soon to be 21). And maybe what matters isn't what I've done or what abilities I have. Maybe what matters is who and what I want to be and if I continually work towards that.

I can sit back and get frustrated about a lot of things. I can complain about how God or nature or whoever is unfair for giving me my abilities. I can curse and raise my fist to heaven to protest about unfairness - why some people can conquer their abilities, why some people can look good and do well in everything, why, why, why...

But I choose not to (for the moment).

(The picture you see before this post is one that I snapped on Broga Hill today. Hiked up with Paul, Dixon, Jared, Phoebe, Jessica and her two friends. The scenery was not bad.)

I looked at Broga and told myself that I may not have anybody who understands me (or at least tries to do so). I may not have the polished skills other authors or gifted people have. I may not be a good looking person like those fortunate ones out there (and like many who silently or openly brag out how good they look). But I am going to score. I am going to conquer those mountains.

I may vomit. I may spit. I may fall. But hell, nothing is impossible.

So watch out. You naysayers, 95%, Life College, friends, families. Here I come.

7 comments:

ah^kam_koko' said...

Dude, you can do much more if you want to.
Dont stop believing.
Never let them take away your hope.

We're both standing in the face of hopelessness.
Let's not relent to it.

Jon Chu said...

Yeah. I know.
And you too!
We can do it, pal!
There's nothing that can stop us.
ROCK ON, HERO!!!

pervertism101.com said...

I took me a year to realize I'm JUST 20 years old. A year back, I was practically screaming at myself, thinking my time was so short.

I guess I realized just in time.

Jon Chu said...

Hmmm... I understand what you mean by saying JUST 20 years old. I too understand that life is meant to be lived, and lived abundantly. I suppose it's this feeling I get that I don't have much time anymore, especially since a lot of people who are my age are nailing so many things and achieving so much more than I.

I understand too that comparison kills oneself, but comparison needs to be present for one to strive. I may be just 20, and I have a long way more ahead of me. But I can't just think that I'm just 20, for a mishandling of that thought will cause me complacency and thus failure. I may be JUST 20, but I am going to give my best in whatever I do. =)

alantanblog said...

I hope you love the Broga Hill hike :-)

Feel free to join Broga Hill Lovers - Facebook Group at http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=81317897674

pervertism101 said...

Strike a balance then, right?

Nailing? Is that a pun? LOL

Jon Chu said...

Hahaha! Yeah. You nailed it.
I'll definitely learn how to strike a balance. No point chasing things while leaving me behind, if you get what I mean.

And yeah. We may be JUST 20 (going 21) years old, but hell, we got lots we haven't done.