- Sunday, May 16, 2010

I Am Proud of Myself



During the last session of Idea Rawkstarrs, we had this very intense session where we shared about what we were proud of ourselves. As we shared, some of us teared, because never in our lives had we said out loud that we were proud of ourselves.

I suppose it's how it has been instilled within us that there is no good in us, nothing worth being proud of. But the trainers in Idea Rawkstarrs proved us - or at least, me - otherwise.

I went in front of my training buddies, stood before them, and took out the journal that I wrote in - every single thing that I was proud of myself. As I spoke, my voice broke, because I realized how much I had pushed myself... so mercilessly, so heartlessly... because I've never really loved myself. On and on, I did things that let myself down more than others, that hurt me more than others...

And it was so much easier to hurt myself, than to tell myself that I am proud of myself.

So this is what I shared, and what I added after the training after some 'me' time:

  • I am proud of myself for making it so far in Idea Rawkstarrs
  • I am proud of myself for being a misfit
  • I am proud of myself for completing Idea Rawkstarrs
  • I am proud of myself for being able to hold my head up high and smile
  • I am proud of myself for seeing the potential in others
  • I am proud of myself for believing in the bests in others, and supporting them in their weakest times
  • I am proud of myself for getting stickers for my ideas
  • I am proud of myself for having the Idea of the Show
  • I am proud of myself for pushing myself hard
  • I am proud of myself for being able to trust myself once again
  • I am proud of myself for being able to love and be loved
  • I am proud of myself for the little talents that I have
  • I am proud of myself for finding myself once again
  • I am proud of myself for being able to connect with others on a heart-to-heart level
  • I am proud of myself for being detailed 
  • I am proud of myself for being myself
  • I am proud of myself for being proud of myself
Of course this isn't the entire list of what I'm proud of myself. I have a whole long list. But it's meant to be kept to myself. I'll share it with you LIVE if and when we meet.

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