- Sunday, May 16, 2010

Time of My Life

I've been waiting for my dreams
To turn into something I could believe in
And looking for that magic rainbow on the horizon
I couldn't see it

May 13, 2010

My heart has not stopped pumping. The excitement, the gladness of finally being able to graduate after a whirlwind of adventure has finally come. I can't seem to believe myself - that I've managed to go through this hectic but beyond wonderful journey called Idea Rawkstarrs.

I kept looking at the clock as I sat at my desk, working. 6.00pm. 6.05pm. Time, be quicker, please?

Until I let go
Gave into love and watched all the bitterness burn
Now I'm coming alive
Body and soul
And feelin' my world start to turn

6.30pm. Finally.

Whisking into the Training Hall, I smiled with the brightest, widest smile I had ever had in my entire life. The past glories of winning, or scoring - those seemed to be like nothing in comparison with Idea Rawkstarrs because of the things I've been through, and most importantly, the things I've discovered about myself.

And I'll taste every moment
And live out loud
I know this the time
This is the time
To be more than a name
Or a face in the crowd
I know this is the time
This is the time of my life
Time of my life

In Idea Rawkstarrs, there was no chance to doubt myself. Though such moments did creep in every once in a while, especially when I'm faced with being stuck or adversity, I had to push myself - much, much, much more than I ever had in college.

But what made this journey so exotically wonderful was the chance I had to discover myself, my strengths and weaknesses. The chance for 'me' time - to apologize to myself for letting myself down, to start loving myself, to stop condemning myself, to stop beating myself up, to genuinely feel proud of myself from the bottom of my life.

Holding onto things that vanished
Into the air
Left me in pieces
But now I'm rising from the ashes
Finding my wings
And all that I needed
Was there all along
Within my reach
And as close as the beat of my heart

The completion of Idea Rawkstarrs is burned into my mind, leaving its scorched marks. But these are the marks that I will treasure the most, because of what I've learned, discovered, grown to love.

I admit that there were times when I wondered why on earth I took this training. I could be like all of my friends - going overseas, sight seeing, learning about histories, getting to know hot chicks, exploring the world, getting to know more friends, being the popular people, having stories about how drunk they got or how much fun they had being in a foreign country, how magnificent the sights they've seen, how many places in Europe they've set foot in...

Partly in my heart yearns to be there - with them. To be like the norm, to enjoy a normal young adult life. Sometimes I might even question my decisions to work at 95% The Advertising Academy and to undertake Idea Rawkstarrs.

But after this programme, at the end of the completion of Idea Rawkstarrs, that part of me that yearns to not be a misfit has diminished more.

Because I've learned the value and the power I have to be a different individual.

And I'll taste every moment
And live it out loud
I know this is the time
This is the time
To be more than a name
Or a face in the crowd
I know this is the time
This is the time of my life
Time of my life

I am a misfit. And I'm proud to be one.

(I know my thoughts are rather disjointed right now. But it's the whole overwhelmed feeling I have that is causing this shortage of clarity)

At the end of Idea Rawkstarrs, I've cried so much more than I've ever had. I've learned how to feel, how to empathize with people genuinely. To cry with them when they feel like crying, to speak from my heart and into their hearts, to see potential in people and tell them to their face.

And it was in these times when I found the true ability to love, feel, connect. Surface talks are no more what I'm seeking. I want to hear stories, I want to impact lives, I want to have the chance to connect with young people and tell them that they're worth it, and it's time to stop beating themselves up.

I want to reach out to them, grasp their shoulders, pull them around and look them in the eye and tell them that they can, that they have abundant potential to shine - like never before.

I want to be the one to tell those who have not heard this important statement: I am proud of you.

Because there are so many out there who are dejected, depressed, lonely, unloved, doubtful, and rejected. These people have so much strength in them, but somehow along the way, their sight has been blinded, and they can't any more see clearly.

I want to be the one to wipe the tears off their face.

And I'm out on the edge of forever
Ready to run
I'm keeping my feet on the ground
My arms open wide
My face to the sun

And just like Idea Rawkstarrs, such a journey is challenging. It's a journey not for the faint hearted, not for the selfish ones, not for the ones who want to play win-lose.

But it's a journey worth investing in.

Because of Idea Rawkstarrs, I can light my head up high. Because of Idea Rawkstarrs, I can finally see the sky that I want to reach to. Because of Idea Rawkstarrs, I know I am worth more than I first thought I worth. Because of Idea Rawkstarrs, I can be who I am meant to be. Because of Idea Rawkstarrs, I can defy gravity.

And I am not ashamed to say that.

And I'll taste every moment
And live it out loud I know this is the time
This is the time
To be more than a name
Or a face in the crowd

Idea Rawkstarrs changed my world, my perception of the world around me, me.

I won't want to be that face in the crowd anymore. I won't settle for mediocre anymore. I won't let myself down. Because I know I worth more than that. Because those around me deserve the best of me. Because I deserve the best of me.

And yes. I can love more. I can feel more. I can believe more.

I can see the strength in people more. I can hold their hands and slowly massage the pain they have inside and tell them "It's okay. It's okay. I hear you, and I feel your pain."

I see a better me.

I know this is the time
This is the time of my life
My life
More than a name
Or face in the crowd
I know this the time
This is the time of my life
This is the time of my life
Time of my life....
Time of my life...

Aside from this, I am very proud of myself for creating something that three Creative Directors - Tan Yew Leong, Executive Creative Director of Leo Burnett and husband of late Yasmin Ahmad; Szu Lee, Executive Creative Director of McCanns; and Jeff Orr, Executive Creative Director of TBWA/Tequila - have agreed on that it was the best of the show.

They gave one of my ideas (the one that I taught was unimpressive) an applaud and said that if it were to happen, they can't wait to experience it themselves.

The praises and compliments I've received from my fellow training buddies, from Norman Tang (95% first success legend), from the previous Idea Rawkstarrs graduates, from Janet Lee, my beloved boss and my awesome trainer - have added more meaning, more heart, more reason for me to trust and believe in myself through the training.

This is the time of my life. I may not be your typical graduate who has walked on the soil of UK, Melbourne or anywhere out of Malaysia. But here, somewhere in KL, in some small corner where people might not notice, I will start my legend there. Slowly but surely.

I will put my heart and soul to influence, care, love the few people I met. And I will not be belittled.

Above all, I am proud of myself.

I repeat, I am proud of myself.

This. Is the time of my life. I'm leaving now - to defy gravity.


Time of My Life
David Cook

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