- Saturday, January 01, 2011

Do I Make Me Proud?

The only one you could ever truly disappoint is yourself.

And that's because only you can ever truly know what is going inside you. You can try to conjure up stories, beautify white lies and half truths, or even fake emotions -- and the saddest thing is, we know exactly how things were or how we feel when we aren't honest.

What makes it worst is our self-disappointment eats us up, sometimes even without our knowing. And that's what makes this entire thing scary.

As the fireworks painted the night sky three hours ago, I began thinking : How was 2010 for me? Was I truly proud of myself? Am I still proud of myself?

I searched through the emotions I had, and I realized that I was and am still proud -- very proud of what I've done thus far.

I'm proud of the battles I've won.
Proud of the battles I've lost but courageously faced them like a warrior.
Proud of the times I told myself that I had to stop thinking and just do it.
Proud of the friends I've made and the people I've impacted.
Proud of the Idea Rawkstarrs graduates who emerged as winners.
Proud of my fellow Idea Rawkstarrs who graduated together with me.
Proud of allowing myself to feel and experience every feeling.
Proud of the fact that I've grown.
Proud of the honest words that I've said and that have changed lives.
Proud of being authentic.
Proud of finding new, awesome friendships.
Proud of my accomplishments
Proud of ... and the list continues.

Bottom line is, I had made myself proud. And I know for a fact that when I'm proud of myself, I don't need to seek for approval or affirmation if someone else is proud of me. What matters is me, and my honesty with myself.

And maybe with this newfound self pride, 2011 will be a stronger, more challenging year for me to grow myself and to impact more lives.

Hello, 2011.

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