Forgiven

New Year New Blog Name

2012-01-28T10:03:00.002+08:00

Solitude used to define me.

I would pride myself about how I could sit with loneliness, look at it in the eye and call it my friend. How I tell myself that I'm strong enough to be alone, to not want any companionship. But who was I kidding? I wasn't made to be an island.

Today I looked at my little humble blog and thought to myself that I've grown out of this phase. It's completely okay to want friendship, to desire companionship. I am human, aren't I? And I wasn't wired to be alone. I don't think anyone is wired to be alone.

I looked at how life has changed for me, and I stopped at this word : Forgiven.

Forgiven for my wrongs. For the wrong words I have said. For the friendships I've ended because of my pride. For the times I didn't do what I should've done.

Forgiven for setting unreasonable expectations on myself.

Who am I but just a man? A mortal soul. A spec of dust, soon forgotten. But the Son of man decided to forsake all of heaven's splendor and open the way that I might enter the holy of holies, blameless.

I am forgiven. And I have no reason not to forgive myself.

This is where I stand for 2012. Forgiving myself would be one of the most difficult lessons I will ever learn. It may even be something I have to relearn day after day. Those who know me well know that I do not sit well with mediocrity; being good is simple not enough. I have to be the best, but by living so I scar myself. And forgiving myself for scarring myself is something I've yet to learn, let alone master.

This will be where I will grow. My past may have made me who I am, but it certainly will not make my tomorrow for I have today to decide what future I want to create for myself. But before creating the future, I need to throw off this veil I put before my eyes; I need to forgive myself.

If He has forgiven me, who am I not to forgive myself? Do I mean to say that His forgiveness is insufficient? Certainly not.

“In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of His grace.” (Ephesians 1:7)

I am forgiven. Now and forever more.

Thank You Project 2012

2012-01-24T11:47:00.001+08:00

Greyfriars Kirkyard, Scotland. (c) Jonathan Chu

My first post in 2012 was about growth. Looking at how things are progressing, I'm glad to say that things are looking quite well. But still, growth is not an easy thing. There are days when I feel like plunging a knife deep down my chest and let my breath simply stop, just so that I can escape the stretch growth brings. But there are some days when growth shows me a bigger picture of life, and I'm thankful that I survived those painful days.

So I thought to myself, in what ways do I want to grow? I thought about what kind of life I wanted - adventurous, sure; music-filled, sure; passionate, sure... surely life is more than these words, right? And then I stopped at this word - full.

Full. Whole. When one's life is full, one wants nothing more. One is contented. One is glad. And fullness or wholeness in life can only be achieved when it is filled with people. But that doesn't mean that one is sociable or accepted; it simply means one is loved.

My thoughts then drifted to the people whom I love or am growing to love. Mom, dad, sister, brother, friends, church members, college mates... And then a word popped out of nowhere - gratitude. For every person who's in my life, there is something to thank that person for. Another word then appeared - acknowledgment.

It then dawned upon me that these two words come hand in hand. When we thank someone, we are acknowledging the person for being a blessing in our lives. And when we constantly acknowledge people, we not only bring delight to people, assure them of their value and who knows, boost their self esteem and self-confidence; it also shows us how blessed we are.

When we thank and acknowledge others, there is no point to envy the grass at the other side.

And for my growth and happiness, I want to thank a person every day. Be it in person, via a text or this blog, I want someone I know to know that he or she has great value and has been a blessing in my life. And most importantly, I want to remind myself that envy does me nothing, but counting my blessings does - it brings me happiness.

If you decide to practice this as well, let me know. :) It's always a good thing to know that more people are thanking more people, and through this, being a blessing to more people as well.

Happy Chinese New Year and 2012!

2011 and 2012

2012-01-07T07:45:00.000+08:00

I suppose I'm really behind many bloggers who have already blogged about how life was in 2011 and their resolutions for 2012. But it doesn't bother me.

2011 was a year of growth for me. The first half of the year I spent my days in 95% discovering parts and pieces of me that I didn't know existed. In the second half of the year, the number of self-discoveries doubled! But in any case, I am humbled and happy that I went through whatever I went through. I suppose everything is part of God's plan to mould me into a better person for the future.

Come 2012, which I believe will be a year of more growth and self-discovery. Instead of feeling scared of change and pain (growth can be painful), I feel absolutely inadequate. Being in Newcastle has put me in an absolutely uncomfortable position (which is perhaps one of the reasons I love Newcastle to bits).

Let me explain myself. You see, the amount of effort I usually put in for assignments and work back in Malaysia would bring me excellent results; but in Newcastle it's an entirely different ball game.

I need to be able to crystallise ideas and questions into as few words as possible (thanks to Janet Lee and 95% who gave me the awareness to this important skill, but I'm still in the midst of perfecting it)
I need to be very opinionated (a trait which has diminished in me because I find no reason to have an opinion about everything. Instead I have started to learn how to cherish things for what they are)
I need to be well read. It's not just fiction; it's about histories of different countries, current affairs, gossips (I know right?!), cultures and well, the list goes on. This is because the more well read I am, the easier it is to form friendships, the easier it is to talk about different things with different people.

Well of course the list would be longer than the above, but in short, those are the few things that jumped out quite often to me. I'm under the constant impression that I am not enough. That the skills I've acquired throughout my simple 22 years are simply not enough! And sometimes as I dwell in these inadequacy, I fall into this spiral of self-pity and sadness. Which, might I add, are two things that I absolutely dislike because they don't bring me any results.

Now, to add to that is serving in my church. You see, back in Malaysia, I'm surrounded with many musicians, but few were as good as the ones I'm working with. Being able to play an instrument well was good enough in Malaysia, but absolutely not here. An average musician could play the piano and either the drums or the guitars well. A few could even sing and harmonize without any sweat! So I find myself chasing after these extremely talented musicians week after week, hoping that one day, I might be as good as them.

Now, don't get me wrong. I know everything written seems a bit sad and perhaps somewhat discouraging, but I assure you it's not. Okay, maybe a little bit. But still, one has to have a little fire burning at his ass to remind him to keep moving forward, if you get my drift.

So like I said, 2012 will be a year of further growth. I don't care so much about materialistic possessions at this point of my life (and I hope this will continue in the future). I want to build better friendships with my dearest friends here in Newcastle (come to think of it, I have only 8 months left in this beautiful country!). I want to be a better musician and train my hearing skills. I want to be able to write better and love more.

I hope your year would be a year of growth too. :)

Inevitable.

2011-12-20T11:20:00.003+08:00

Spring will always come after winter. It is inevitable.

Our Deepest Fear

2011-11-03T08:56:00.001+08:00

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." -- Marianne Williamson

What's the Use of Knowing the Future?

2011-11-01T03:40:00.000+08:00

I used to wonder how pleasant it'll be if I knew the future. Like if I knew how my life would be, what choices I should take, and so forth. But here's the thing : so what if you knew the answers to your future? What if you knew what would happen?

Well, I would be able to not make the stupid mistakes I will in the future. I would be able to make the right choices and be who I am supposed to be, do the things I'm supposed to do. But then is that really so?

We are who we are not because of the successes or accomplishments we have made, but the failures. There is not much to learn from success, but much from failure. Don't you think?

Here's another thing to consider : everything in life happens thanks to the "domino" effect. One thing will cause another to happen; one mistake will cause growth to occur. So if I knew what happens in the future and decide not to let my future mistake happen, will I still become that person I am destined to eventually become? I think not.

So what's the use of knowing the future? Wouldn't it be wiser to spend the time on living the present instead of worrying about the future?

Look Not at Me but at Him

2011-10-31T10:17:00.000+08:00

Don't look at me, for I have nothing to show you.
I have no gold or silver, no physical or emotional strength,
No vision or knowledge of the future,
Full of weaknesses and strengths which pale in comparison with many others.

But look at Him.
He is stronger, greater, more awesome than any other.
He heals the broken-hearted and comforts the wounded.
He guides, nudges the lost in the right direction, and most of all,

He loves.

The Mirror Effect

2011-10-25T09:23:00.000+08:00

Everyone you know is a mirror of you; and you are attracted to or repulsed by people because you pick up a certain quality about the person that you might or might not be aware that you have.

Unconvinced?

Here's an easy test. Think about a person and an attitude that he/she possesses and you specifically dislike. Think about how that attitude irks, disgusts, or annoys you to your skin. Now, search deep into your heart, think about your past, look hard at your inner, deep, secret desires - and you'll most probably find that similar attitude which you so disapprove.

This can only be achieved with brutal honesty with yourself and the courage to dare to gaze at the parts of you that you like and dislike. Never easy, but you'll tend to be more forgiving and understanding the next time when you meet that specific person.

Forgive Me for I Forget

2011-09-26T05:04:00.000+08:00

Please forgive me that I am forgetful.

I forget that in all things, You are in control and You are able.

I forget that my problems are exceptionally small, when compared to what You can do in the future.

I forget that my weaknesses are just a tiny drop in the ocean of great things that you have done and can do.

I forget that despite my failures, You chose to come to mother earth, spread Your arms across the cross and shed Your blood so that I may know eternity.

I forget that because I am in You, every time I call upon Your name, I will be saved, I will be heard.

I forget that You have promised that You will never leave nor forsake me.

I forget that You have blessed and are blessing me. Good health, nice friends, sufficient finance, beautiful weather... all things are blessings from You, if only I had opened my eyes and recognized them as what You intended them to be.

I forget that if You are for me, no one - not even the evil one - can go against me.

I forget that You are lifted up in heaven and have defeated death, that You have overcome all things, that I should take heart that the bondage I find myself in is nothing to You - for You have set me free and called me into righteousness.

I forget that with this little faith I have, I can move mountains. But more importantly, I can step into Your presence with confidence and call You Abba Father.

I forget that everything happens in life because You allowed them to. And the sole purpose of everything that happens is so that I may be more Christlike.

And most importantly, dear Lord Jesus, I forget that You don't want to give me answers; You want to BE the answer. Time after time when I demand answers from You, You have never let me go but instead reminded me repeatedly that You want to be the answer. That You wanted me to come to You for You and not answers.

Dear God who is able in all things, I let go of all control. I stop insisting how things should or should not be. But offer everything up to You

For in all things, You are able.

Not All Dreams Are Meant to Last

2011-09-19T05:50:00.001+08:00

I'm sure you've heard or read countless talks and/or writings on how one should not let one's dreams die. As much as I agree with that, I do think that not all dreams are meant to last.

You see, I've always dreamed of being a rock star. I love the sound of the crowd cheering, the bright lights and the loud music blasting in my ears. Simply said, it has always been my heart's dream to be a performer.

But as I grew, I realized that God has put this desire in me for a different purpose -- I was not meant to be a rock star, but to be a worship leader.

I realized that I loved the sound of the crowd cheering for God more, the loud, sweet music blasting to facilitate better worship more. I love bringing people into worship more than being worshiped.

In the end, these dreams are not meant for myself but to glorify His name. This is the revelation that I got in today's worship in my first visit to New Creation Life Center.

To You Who Wrote This

2011-08-19T00:32:00.000+08:00

"He's one of those rare people who won't let you get away with things and I've just recently discovered how important that is. I've learned that there aren't many people in life who are so honest with you, they just won't let you get away with things - even the simplest things. Not many people who would tell you, 'You know what, it's not going to be easy. It's not going to be okay just like that. So, you go make it okay.'

"Jon's that guy. And he's real and rare. And he's the kind of friend I'd want to keep, for life."

Thank you. :)

One Young World ‘Impact’ Report

2011-05-06T15:36:00.001+08:00

My dear friends and readers,

Last year, I was blessed with the opportunity to create a report for this global summit called One Young World. In this report, my team and I contacted more than 36,000 young people and 50 youth leaders and gathered their thoughts about our country. Their sharing was very powerful – they spoke about how they yearned to see the country grow, in which areas they wanted support from the government, what kind of platforms they wanted to develop themselves, just to name a few.

The report of course garnered a lot of support. It was featured in CNN. It landed in the hands of our Prime Minister and great leaders like Kofi Annan, Muhammad Yunus, Richard Branson and even our very own Tony Fernandez… just to name a few. I’ll let the pictures below speak for themselves.

(That young guy you keep seeing in the pictures is Co-creator of this report and 2010’s Malaysian Ambassador for One Young World. He, Michael Teoh, is a really good friend and while we’re working hard here in Malaysia, he’s around the world lobbying for this report!)

This year, my team and I are producing a follow up to this report. What we will be doing this follow up (it’s called One Young World ‘Impact’ Report) is to publicize and showcase the talents and capabilities of our Malaysian youths by writing and reporting about the projects they have done in Malaysia. These projects must have the below criteria :

Involved young people; or gave young people a platform for them to develop their skills and talents
Created an impact in their respective communities

We are aiming to feature at least 25 youth leaders and 100 projects in this report.

This year, I registered myself as a Candidate for this global forum. Like what Michael did last year (as you can see in the pictures above), I want to represent Malaysia and speak in this forum as a Malaysian Delegate. Besides that, I want to personally represent Malaysia and showcase to the world what our homegrown young people are doing and can do – the projects they’re getting involved in that are creating impacts – be it big or small – in their respective communities. I want the world to see and be inspired by the courage our Malaysian youths have.

And most of all, through this, I want to encourage our young people that the needs of the world are endless, and when there is a need to be filled, there is a need to have leaders rise up to the call, and create Change.

But before I get to present this follow up report to the world at Zurich, Switzerland in September 1 – 4, 2011, I need your support. I need you to visit this page (http://bit.ly/mv9AbO) and click on the LIKE button. You will see the words “You Like This” once you like it. And note, you will need to be signed in to Facebook to do this.

When I find myself on the stage of the global summit of One Young World, staring at the many faces of delegates from 192 countries and the faces of the great leaders such as Kofi Annan, Richard Branson, Muhammad Yunus, it will be because you have enabled me to be there to showcase to the world the talents of our young people. It will not be because of my strength or my talents, but your support.

Thank you for your support by clicking the LIKE button in the link that I’ve placed above. If you can, I would appreciate that you share it with your friends too.

Also, if you have projects that you have been involved in, let me know at jonnychu89@gmail.com Feed me with info, and I’ll look into including you in the report.

This is not about me, Jonathan Chu. No, far from it. This is about Malaysia and its young people, their strength, their courage and their talents.

For this, I give you my sincerest gratitude from the bottom of my heart. Thank you, my friends.

Humbled,
Jonathan Chu

The Secret of Happiness

2011-05-06T01:06:00.001+08:00

For a moment we both stared at his hand. It was trembling.

“Ach, you see this?” he said.

Yeah.

“I can’t make it stop.”

He dropped the hand to his chest. I heard a cart being wheeled down the hall. He spoke so wisely, with such passion, that for a moment I’d forgotten where we were.

“Anyhow,” he said, his voice trailing off.

I hated seeing him in that bed. I wanted him home, with the messy desk and the mismatched clothes. I forced a smile.

So, have we solved the secret of happiness?

“I believe so,” he said.

Are you going to tell me?

“Yes. Ready?”

Ready.

“Be satisfied.”

That’s it?

“Be grateful.”

That’s it?

“For what you have. For the love you receive. And for what God has given you.”

That’s it?

He looked me in the eye. Then he sighed deeply.

“That’s it.”

-- Mitch Albom, Have A Little Faith, pg 102

Slow Down, Don’t Move Too Fast

2011-04-14T23:16:00.001+08:00

Sometimes we don’t let things grow; we want things to happen instantly. But they don’t usually happen that way, else we would’ve all been geniuses and great people. And there will be no such thing as a student, a learner anymore.

But there’s a reason why only few are geniuses and noted people. Instead of worrying about tomorrow, blaming others or complaining that things are not prepared for them, they practice their art again and again and again until they got it mastered.

Yes, we want to be somebody great, but don’t forget that every single breathing moment, we are given the chance to prove to ourselves that we are great. When we adopt such a state of mind, and live each moment to its fullest potential, we unknowingly and slowly build a legacy for ourselves.

And as our greatness compounds and compounds, one day, we’ll find ourselves smiling with pride from within.

Greatness is not defined by the things we do; it’s defined by our attitude.

What do you really want?

2011-04-12T00:57:00.001+08:00

We want so many things in life, but what do we really want?

Maybe when we can be completely, blatantly honest with ourselves about what we really, truly want in our lives, can we only truly live the life we were meant to live.

True freedom is not doing the things that we desire to do, but doing what we’re meant to do. For when we are truly free, we find true liberation – liberation that begins from the inside out.

So maybe what we want is not money or a bank account that has a fine nice sum. Maybe we don’t want a beautiful, high class car. Maybe we don’t want a cosy place we can call ours. Maybe what we want is to be happy, to be loved, to serve.

Once we find what we’re meant to do, we’ll fight our daily battles differently.

Hello, Yesterday

2011-04-12T00:48:00.003+08:00

My good friend Crystal dared me to blog about : what I'd do if I found out that time travel was possible. Interesting topic, don’t you think? So here’s what I would do :-

1. I’ll go back to when I was 15 and learn how to Tango and Waltz.

2. Then I’ll fly back to when I was 8 and learn how to draw properly. (Seriously, picking up girls will be much, much easier when you know how to draw. Imagine this situation : You are with your art block and pencils. You spot a girl sipping coffee at the corner of the room. Swiftly and smoothly, you move towards her. You pause and ask, “Excuse me, I can’t help but notice you. I absolutely must draw a picture of you. Your features, your gaze…” Barney Stinson hasn’t got this yet. *pride*)

3. I’ll go back to when I was 11 and I’ll hold my little 11 self tight and tell him that he’s gonna be awesome. Because that was what he needed to hear.

4. And then, I’ll go back to when I was 14 and again, I’ll hold my 14 year old self tight and tell him that loneliness is part of life. What doesn’t kill you will make you stronger.

You see, the odd thing that’s happening as I’m typing this down is … I don’t really want to revisit my past. I’m quite happy how things turned out, because without yesterday I wouldn’t be who I am today. And oddly, it’s because of my experience and pain I’ve made great friends!

“I don't know where I'll fall down
but I'm sure to hit the ground..
cause it's not over till it's over
every ending's a new beginning
one more chance to get it right
one more chance to get it wrong
it’s not over till it's over
sometime's nowhere leads to somewhere.”
The End, Jason Reeves

For Better Days

2011-04-04T01:06:00.003+08:00

"Sometimes things need to fall apart to make way for better things."
How I Met Your Mother, Season 6 Episode 17

Growing Old is a Blessing

2011-03-27T23:49:00.001+08:00

Some never had the chance to be.

Joshua Anthony Hajok

Thank you, my friend, for showing me that it is a blessing to grow old.

---

p/s : Your courage to live everyday with honor and passion, and your wisdom amaze and inspire me. Thank you for being in my life, friend.

People Are Important

2011-03-27T00:51:00.001+08:00

Two years ago, I was a total asshole. Work was the most important thing to me, and nothing -- absolutely nothing -- will keep me from it. If someone's in deep shit, I'd say, "Oh, too bad for you. I will come and lend a hand after I finish my work." If someone comes to me and asks me for a cup of tea or two, and what I have at hand is not urgent or important, I'd say, "I've got some work to do. Let's reschedule."

Simply said, I was your typical 100% work-oriented stuck-up bastard. My work and accomplishments were my world. I'd be anal about every single detail; perfection was my middle name.

But today, I have changed.

Work is not everything anymore (unless I can't help it). People come first. I find myself at home more. I never skip family dinners, and I will never, ever let anything come in the way of having a great dinner with my family.

Slowly, that side of me that puts work above all else is slowly diminishing as I begin developing my other side : the side that values humans more.

Two years ago, there was no such thing as empathy. I placed myself above all else and my world was me, me and me. My opinions mattered, and I made sure things go my way.

But then, life happened. 95% The Advertising Academy happened. Idea Rawkstarrs happened. I began to surround myself with people who uphold and build others, who choose to see the good side of life and people, who are warriors in their own and unique stead.

I began seeing life from a different perspective. (Whoever said that it's important for you to choose your friends and surround yourself with positive people, I second that it is absolutely important you do that.)

Now, when I meet people who open up to me and tell me their problems, when something happens, I immediately ask, "Are you okay?" before looking at my injuries. When participants who come to 95%'s trainings tell me what they're struggling with, I sometimes find my eyes teary and my heart goes out for them. I find myself wishing that I could do a better job to help them.

Two years ago, I would have never felt that way. But now, I guess I've changed. And I'm continuing to change day by day, for the better, I am sure.

Who knows what kind of person I will be in two, five or ten years? I wouldn't even want to start imagining (such a waste of imagination, brain space and time!); I'll make sure I'll be a better person. I'm not done doing good and giving love to this world until my spirit decides it's time to go back to heaven.

You. Are Enough.

2011-03-22T00:40:00.001+08:00

She looked at me in the eye as I looked deep into her eyes. Both of us, too similar to each other, sat facing each other as moments of silence went by.

Then she broke the silence.

"You, you are good enough. You don't need anyone else to give you approval. If all that you're living for is another's approval, you'll never be happy with yourself. You need to start loving yourself first, because you are awesome. And you are good enough."

Thank you, Felicia.

So what's this whole hoo-haa about The Samurai Game?

2011-03-15T02:21:00.001+08:00

I've been mentioning about The Samurai Game a few times already in my previous posts (click here, here and here if you haven't read it). I'm sure you must be wondering -- what training is this? Is it a game? Ugh, what battles?

Well, to keep you in the loop, my dear treasured reader, I shall let you in about what on earth this entire training is all about.

You see, The Samurai Game is a training unlike any other. In this training, the participants are divided into two groups. These two groups are called 'Army of the North' and 'Army of the South' who will battle each other. Each army consists of a few important people -- the Daimyo (the Commander, the Leader, the one who calls the shots), the Sentry (the Guard who protects the Daimyo), the Samurai (the Warriors who will be sent out for battles and must at all times abide to the Code of the Warriors, or the Bushido code), the Ninja (the one who is not bound by any code or values, the one who is in charge of bringing the enemy down through any means), and the Ronin (the masterless Samurai).

I was selected to be a Ninja when I did the training, and I gained a tremendous amount of learnings -- something I'll share another day.

During the training, nobody is supposed to smile, or look at or talk to the Master Trainer (who is the Fate of War in the Training. The Fate of War will be capricious and unfair, and whatever The Fate of War says, happens). Also, if you are hit by or touch a Shuriken, you die instantly.

Now, the Samurais will be sent to battles. No, the battles do not involve sword fighting. They involve things like this :

The Black Crane.
Rules : You are to maintain in the above position, eyes closed. Your hands are not supposed to touch your head, your feet the ground. The moment you do either one, or open your eyes, you lose.

OR this :

Balancing Jo
Rules : You are to balance it on the fingers of one hand. You are only allowed to catch it for X amount of times the Master Trainer determines at the point of the training. If you lose balance of your Jo more than the times allowed, you lose.

Here's a sneak preview to how it looks like during the battles :

What you see in this picture is only 1% of everything that is going through.

You see that blurred person in the image? She just lost a battle. And when you lose a battle in The Samurai Game, you are to lie down at your battle spot -- a significance of death.

You see the two people raising their arms at the back? They were doing another battle -- The Battle of The Champions. They are supposed to raise their arms not below shoulder length. The first one to go below shoulder length loses -- or Die, in the case of The Samurai Game.

So what's all the hoo-haa about The Samurai Game?

Great question.

During the training, everyone is urged to abide by the Code of the Warrior or Code of Honor. In its simplest terms, everyone should hold on to their core values, their integrity, and fight honestly. During the battles, anything can happen.

And the most amazing thing is, the fiercest battles are not fought outwardly but inwardly. Shit, I smiled -- do I die? Did anyone see it? I don't think so. Maybe I should pretend that I didn't smile. That is just one small example.

While fighting the battles, one constantly makes decisions -- a symbolism and a reflection of how one fights one's real battles every single day. And let me kid you not -- you may think that it's easy to abide by the Code of Honor or go through the battles. But trust me when I say this in absolute confidence : It's not as easy as you make it sound.

When I was the Ninja, my job was supposed to go around doing whatever to get people to break their Code of Honor or even to smile. And I've seen determined eyes who try very, very hard to fight the good fight, but somehow something happens, and they die. It's like Life, you know. Sometimes you try so hard to fight the good fight, but shit happens. Life happens. Sometimes we're not meant to fight those battles, sometimes we're meant to learn something the hard way, sometimes we're just not ready for those battles... you get my drift.

This is The Samurai Game in a little nutshell. Of course, the magnitude of this unique training cannot be fully described in words -- you need to go through it to understand it completely.

All in all, if I were given a chance to go through this training again, I will experience it again because I've learned and grown so much through this training that I'd be stupid to give up the chance of growth and self-discovery.

I will continue sharing about the learnings that I've gained from The Samurai Game. Stay tuned and I'll keep you updated.

Signing off,
Jon Chu

Pictures courtesy of 95% The Advertising Academy.

Intention

2011-03-07T01:07:00.001+08:00

In The Samurai Game that I've previously blogged about here, we've been told repeatedly to walk with the intention of looking for opportunity.

What a profound instruction!

Isn't that what life is all about? Living from day to day while looking for opportunities to improve ourselves, to do a good deed, to practice an art or a skill, to look for a class or lecturer or teacher, to achieve something, to be somebody, to feel alive, to make a point, to believe in ourselves...

In 95% The Advertising Academy, we believe that when there is an intention, the mechanism (the deeds that must be done to get the intended result) will come. Similarly, in life, when we walk with the intention of looking of opportunities, opportunities will appear.

Sometimes we need to slow down, sometimes fasten our pace, but as long as we hold on to the intention of looking for opportunities, we will never be found standing still. There will always be a way to move.

I once thought that in life, I will occasionally find myself standing still, without any direction. But when I really think about it, that's not true at all. There's always a direction, always somewhere to go.

It's like walking in a town. There are tons of roads you can head to. Sometimes, it's okay to not have a destination; but it's never okay to just stand at the same place hoping things to change or get better.

And that's life. Regardless we're happy about it or not, regardless if we think it's fair or not, life goes on. And if we decide to hold on to our selfish emotions, we'll just be standing at the same place, stagnant.

So what's your intention in life? Are you walking with the intention of looking for opportunities? Or are you just standing still?

This is for the heroes I know in my life

2011-02-23T12:57:00.002+08:00

This is for the heroes I know in my life.
The ones who fight every single day.
The ones who face fear with courage and look at it in the eye.
The ones who persist and persevere no matter what.
The ones whose feet might falter but will never ever give in to weakness.
The ones who believe that dreams are worth conquering.
The ones who acknowledge their strengths and weaknesses, but never pity themselves for the latter.
The ones who tell Weakness, "I may not be good at it, but I will fight to improve myself."
The ones who summon bravery although the world is collapsing before them.
The ones who dare to breathe with purpose, who dare to love, who dare to Live.

The ones who made me who I am today.

Lynette Natasha, Andrea Kong, Vincent Chan, Grace Look, Ong Sue Yin, Tan Pei Ru, Felicia Goh, Janet Lee, Eu Geen Ooi, Hezne Abu Hasan, Mel Bong, Eileen Woo, Aiman Azri, Illyaz Yushaak, Zion Tan Yong Jue, Shahnaz Karim, Sia Chee Sin, Summer Gan, Zane Gan, Peter Gan, Agnes Gan, Grace Mei Ling, Joshua Tan, Lee Suit Lin, Tan Kee Aun, Lee Yen Shing, Michael Teoh, Lionel Ngion, Chia Yau Fai, Lim Chee Chiaw, Yenny Heriana, Alice Yong, Bernadette Quah, Chan Ling Chee, Cheryl Low, Jayne Kennedy, Liew En Ai, Fajar Kurnia, Ina Tajuddin, Jason Tan Wee Min, Suen Jia Ming, Yong Jik Kam, Sawittri, Joanne Soo Liyeng, Joescher Chee... and to all of you whom I did not include in this list.

This is for you, my Heroes.

The Invitation
Oriah

It doesn’t interest me
what you do for a living.
I want to know
what you ache for
and if you dare to dream
of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me
how old you are.
I want to know
if you will risk
looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me
what planets are
squaring your moon...
I want to know
if you have touched
the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened
by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know
if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know
if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you
to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations
of being human.

It doesn’t interest me
if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear
the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.
I want to know
if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live
or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me
who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me
where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know
what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know
if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like
the company you keep
in the empty moments.

Jottings :-
As I promised earlier, I will blog about the learnings I gained from The Samurai Game, a powerful, mind-blowing training I attended recently.

This poem was read during the training. It was the last battle between the two commanders or Daimyos. Their challenge was to read this poem with their all.

As the Daimyos read out loud each word and line, my heart broke and I realized that ...

Life is not about winning or losing. It's about fighting our battles with integrity and dignity. So many times I've focused on winning, so much that I would go to lengths to ensure I win. But I forget about the route I took to win my battles. Some of them involved betrayal, some cheating. Some involved bribery, some required me to forget about humanity -- just to get the job done, just to win that battle.

But are those won battles worth it at the very end? All I felt was just emptiness and a pricked conscience that I have not fought the good fight.

I have been aware of this great lesson for quite some time, but it never actually sinked in. I've also been talking about Living Life for many times. I've even blogged about it in the past! But the realization did not sink in as much as during The Samurai Game.

I realized that in life, I'm being pushed around with all the pressures I face everyday. It's so easy to fall into 'automatic' where my learned behaviors just surface and I stop operating from my core values. But after The Samurai Game, every waking moment I am reminded that my core values are more important than the outcome of my battles. My core values are more important to me as a person and a warrior than how I win those battles.

Maybe Living Right is the way to live, besides Being in the Moment. Because while a person is in the moment -- whatever battles he or she goes through -- it is so easy to cheat and lie. But when the element of Living Right comes in, the entire perspective of Living in the Moment changes from Living, to Living Life Right.

I don't know if it makes any sense to you, dear reader. The lessons I'm learning from The Samurai Game are still slowly unfolding within me. And this training is unlike any other. I find myself more grounded and purposeful. Yes, I do have the moments I get off-balance or moments I lose my focus, but it is easier for me to catch myself and Be in the Now than ever before.

To those who fought with me in The Samurai Game, thank you for being great teachers and heroes in my life. Without you, I wouldn't have learned the lessons I'm learning now.

Thank you.

The Samurai Game

2011-02-22T00:31:00.000+08:00

I don't believe in coincidences anymore. At least, not as much. I believe things happen at a certain time so that a certain lesson can be learned, and we meet certain people at a certain point in our lives so that we can learn something from the person or about ourselves. I repeat, there is no such thing as coincidences.

I'm sure lately if you've been following my Facebook, you would have seen many mentions of this very weird thing called : The Samurai Game.

For those who don't know, it's the biggest and latest training my company 95% The Advertising Academy launched just a few weeks ago. And being an alumni (because I took up a 3-month night course called Idea Rawkstarrs last year) of 95% The Advertising Academy, I had the privilege to join this training for a minimum price.

And boy was that a blessing.

Even after a few days of doing it, the lessons I learned from it are still unfolding for me. To be honest, that is a very odd situation. Oftentimes in trainings, the lessons the participants need to learn are somewhat preplanned. The trainer finds ways to "force" it down the throats of the participants. But in The Samurai Game this is not the way the participants learn!

In the training, the participants are taken through a process where they become Samurais, or warriors who abide by the Bushido Code or Code of The Warriors. These Samurais then go through various battles, in which lessons unfold themselves.

I know right now it seems a bit fluffy to you, but trust me, when you've been there done that, you'd reconsider. I'll give myself some time to let the realizations and lessons slowly sink in before I type them out for you. Til then, may the force be with you.

You Only Have Average 30 Years to Live

2011-02-16T00:18:00.001+08:00

Consider this : The lifespan of an average human is 70 years. The first 20 years of his life, he has no choice but to do the norm -- study. The last 15 - 20 years of his life, he's old, which would mean he won't have the energy to do what he can do and accomplish when he's say, 30. Discounting the first and last 20 years of his life, he is left with 30 years.

What can a person do with 30 years? Well, here's the set of things that people will normally want to do :-

Get married (which will include finding a girlfriend, courting, proposing, planning and saving for the wedding... you get my drift)
Having kids (gosh, think of the money you need to save just to buy pampers for them! Education? Textbooks? Tuition fees? Those need money too!)
Getting your degree, which is somewhat... for the lack of a better word, generic. So maybe a Masters.
Traveling (this will be on the list of many people I assume)
Buying a house
Buying a car
Maybe buying a second house or a second car
Starting a company? Or starting a business? Or buying a franchise?
Paying for all the other classes that your kid(s) go to
Saving for your child's tertiary education
And the list goes on...

Looking at that list, how on earth can a person accomplish ALL of those within 30 years? It's either you borrow a huge load of money and end up with tons of debts; or you're poor your entire life. (Some people consider spending a huge sum of money on insurance and the sort will secure them a better tomorrow).

I guess my point is, you only have averagely 30 years to Live. Why do we want to resort to living according to the norm? Why don't we realize that we are not answerable to any human about our lives?

Maybe it's time to stop whatever we're doing and just take a look at our lives, and ask ourselves this question we (secretly) dread : What do I want for my life?

Choosing to Live My Way

2011-02-13T17:58:00.001+08:00

"Garion," she [Polgara] said very calmly, "the universe knew your name before that moon up there was spun out of the emptiness. Whole constellations have been waiting for you since the beginning of time."

"I didn't want them to, Aunt Pol."

"There are those of us who aren't given that option, Garion. There are things that have to be done and certain people who have to do them. It's as simple as that." Polgara said.

He smiled rather sadly at her flawless face and gently touched the snowy white lock at her brow. Then, for the last time in his life, he asked the question that had been on his lips since he was a tiny boy. "Why me, Aunt Pol? Why me?"

"Can you possibly think of anyone you'd trust to deal with these matters, Garion?"

-- Sorceress of Darshiva, Book Four of The Mallorean, David Eddings, pg 166-167

Why me? Like Garion, I've asked myself this question countless times too. If only I was... I'd continue describing how better life would be if I was like someone else.

But the thing is, I don't think I'm supposed to live my life like another person. I don't think I'm supposed to have the same story as another person. I don't think that it would be satisfying to know that I've lived a life like someone else. No, I don't, regardless how redundant the previous sentences were. I don't; not at all.

I was looping Do I Make You Proud by Taylor Hicks earlier on and these lyrics caught my attention :

I guess I've learned
To question is to grow...
I've learned to love
Myself in spite of me
And I've learned to walk
The road that I believe

This is what we dreamed about
But the only question with me now
Is do I make you proud?

I thought back about my life, and I realized that I had to go through what I had to not because God hated me, or God had no one else to rain these burdens on besides me; it's because only with these lessons, I can be who He wants me to be. I can be who I'm destined to be.

Like what Polgara said to Garion, "Can you possibly think of anyone else to deal with these matters?", my answer to this question will be like Garion's : No.

My life shouldn't be like someone else. Great that other people have found what works for them to live a _____(insert adjective)_____ life. Good for them. But as for me, I'm still like a toddler, walking this journey called 'Life' with eyes wide opened.

Up until now, ever since I had the freedom to make my choices, I've not regretted making most of them. Like not pursuing studies when the others are planning how to go overseas to study; like choosing to fill my Saturdays by teaching piano classes when I could be sleeping in or watching movies with my friends... They have made me a better person; they have enabled me to see the bigger picture in life, they have helped me see what I want for my life.

My life is mine, and I'll choose to live it the way I want, not like how someone else has lived his/her life.

How to Be a Positive Person, in Under 300 Words by Leo Babauta

2011-01-29T23:41:00.001+08:00

I was doing my rounds of reading and so happened to stumble across this very beautiful guide to be a positive person :-

Realize it’s possible, instead of telling yourself why you can’t.
Become aware of your self-talk.
Squash negative thoughts like a bug.
Replace them with positive thoughts.
Love what you have already.
Be grateful for your life, your gifts, and other people.
Every day.
Focus on what you have, not on what you haven’t.
Don’t compare yourself to others.
But be inspired by them.
Accept criticism with grace.
But ignore the naysayers.
See bad things as a blessing in disguise.
See failure as a stepping stone to success.
Surround yourself by those who are positive.
Complain less, smile more.
Imagine that you’re already positive.
Then become that person in your next act.
Focus on this habit first, and you’ll have a much easier time with any other.

by Leo Babauta at Zenhabits

I've got a long way more on growing up and living.

You don't owe anyone anything

2011-01-20T02:55:00.000+08:00

but yourself.

Give and Receive in Return

2011-01-16T01:21:00.001+08:00

My friend Hajok blogged :-

What if it [finding The One for you] was never meant to happen? I mean, if something went terribly wrong before and things kinda got messed up and you just can’t be together with ‘THE ONE’? Is there such a thing as.. ‘almost close to THE ONE’?

It got me thinking.

Could there ever be The One for everyone? Can we really be certain that the one we're with is 'The One'? Or do we convince ourselves that the person is 'The One'?

One of my bosses' wife told my other friend (who is also a Rawkstarr) : "When you're okay with yourself, when you're contented with who you are, that's when The One might just appear."

Thing is, how can a person be okay with himself? How can a person accept himself or herself who he/she is? Doesn't s/he see flaws in him- or herself? If yes, then wouldn't you be not okay with yourself? How is that even remotely possible?

Assuming that the theory that we need to be okay with ourselves before we really meet 'The One' is true, wouldn't we be never able to meet that 'The One'? Truth be told that all of us have something about ourselves that we are unhappy about. So how on earth are we going to meet that person?

I am still searching for answers and the moment when I can understand and internalize the answer I find. Perhaps one day I'll find the answers and I'll share them with you. For now, I've got a long way more in life to walk and grow up. Wish me luck.

My Yesterdays Made My Today

2011-01-10T00:21:00.003+08:00

My good high school friend threw me a challenge in response to my previous post : Dare me to blog. Here's what he wanted me to blog about : Reminisce about the past and reflect what has made you the man that you are today

I was just having a chat with my boss and friend Janet Lee about my future and she said something that stuck to my mind :

"When you reach about 40 and you look back your life, you'll realize that everything happened for a reason. And you'll smile and thank God for everything." - Janet Lee

How true -- not that I've lived 40 years on earth, but that even right now, as I look back at my life, I see so many things that I've gone through that have made me a very different person today. And I'm happy about that.

You see, music is my life. Performing, planning, arranging songs make breathing so much more exciting for me. Every time there's an opening for my church youths to perform, I jump right at it to plan and train them. And at the end of the day, the satisfaction is immense.

So what made me this way? I suppose it's my mom's unrelenting insistence that I practice the piano when I was just a kid. She'd sit beside me with a cane in her hand and hit me every time I complained. And yes, if my piano was made of metal, it would have rusted thanks to my abundant tears.

But what results did my mom's act create? I finished Grade 8 in 5 years (or 4.5 years to be exact), began teaching and found immense joy in teaching. Had a chance to direct a musical back in 2008 and made it awesome (with my limited experience). Ah, the fun!

Another major thing that happened to me was being pulled out of the Malaysian education system and thrown into the American homeschooling system. Boy, was I angry that time! Whenever there was a chance to throw tantrum, I seized it and I'll use it to my advantage. And I gotta admit, I did make a hell for my parents that time. But as I grew, I began enjoying doing Language Arts and Maths. I began seeing the beauty of the American education system, and to be honest, I was somewhat proud that I wasn't stuck studying about boring history and going to boring classes in Malaysian school.

Yes, I did miss out on tons of experiences, but the fact remains that I loved my homeschool studies. Reading about poems, studying stuffs like gerunds, interrogative phrases, adverbial phrases, and analyzing Beowulf and In His Steps made studying much more interesting. (Normal school goers, beat that with your boring Phantom of the Opera, Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, and The Pearl! Ha!)

And the result of being a homeschooler? Studying was never an uphill task. Study smart was my automatic nature when it came to studying. (I can't even understand what it means to study hard!) Writing theses and thinking critically came with the package.

The third thing I'd like to highlight was the fact that I was always found in small places. I'm from a small church with only about 50 church members. I've attended a small homeschooling center with only about 10 students, and a small college with only about 300 students (of which 50% have graduated). And right now, I'm working at a small company with only about 8 - 10 people.

So what does that say about me?

I've been thinking about for a few years and here's the conclusion that I've made thus far : Maybe God has put me in such places so that I can learn that I have the choice to either be a victim and complain that my life sucks, that I've no chance to be awesome; or I can subscribe to the responsible version, which is to see the smallness of my environment as an extremely great opportunity to shine.

I wouldn't say that I've learned these lessons well. I admit that I've at many times complained and wished that I was at a better, nicer, bigger place. But I'm learning to make the best of every moment I have.

I'm planning to embark onto another journey in a few months' or a year's time. I wonder where would life and God lead me. Til then, viva la vida!

Reminiscence : Idea Rawkstarrs

2011-01-02T00:56:00.001+08:00

Meet most of my awesome Idea Rawkstarrs mates. (For some reasons, a few of them couldn't join us for our hoo-haa session after completing our training.)

I suppose it's rather random to suddenly blog about them, especially since training ended in May 2010. But as I was looking through the pictures and thinking about how the past year has been for me, I couldn't help smiling and thinking how awesome, inspiring and powerful all of them are.

You see, these amazing people have turned my world in one way or other. I suppose it's how the training is structured -- it brings out the best in people. And somehow, in odd ways, friendships are being forged and strengthened in ways I can't find elsewhere!

And that's the most amazing thing about these people. They've taught me to be brave, to be accountable for what I do, to believe in myself and to let myself be proud of myself.

And though like every training, we have gone our separate ways, I know for sure that the bond will still be there, and the friendship formed will not be forgotten.

As I look at where each of us is right now, doing this we love, winning personal battles and wars at work, I feel this sense of pride that is... different. It's that kind of feeling when you've won a war, and you look deep into the eyes of your fellow soldiers and all your eyes can say is, 'We have won. We have won!'

Ah, what an odd memory. What an odd feeling.

Thank God for Idea Rawkstarrs. =)

Ah, crap. I feel so mushy like a girl now. =.= What is becoming of me!

Dare Me To Blog

2011-01-02T00:26:00.000+08:00

I've been thinking of late about what I should blog about. Inspiration seems to escape my grasp, and whenever I feel the slightest bit to blog about a certain topic, I just don't discipline myself to sit down and blog.

So here's what I thought of doing for my blog for 2011 : Send me an email about a topic you'd like to read about or want me to blog about and I'll blog about it. Of course, I'd love if the topic is on the reflective scale instead of the typical (and rather boring, predictable, uninteresting and forgive me, childish) "oh, blog about your day" or "blog about your first love" and the likes, you get the drift.

This way, I'll be somewhat obligated to blog, so there's no chicken exit. And I get to update my blog! Now, isn't that win-win?

Okay, email away now!

Do I Make Me Proud?

2011-01-01T03:26:00.000+08:00

The only one you could ever truly disappoint is yourself.

And that's because only you can ever truly know what is going inside you. You can try to conjure up stories, beautify white lies and half truths, or even fake emotions -- and the saddest thing is, we know exactly how things were or how we feel when we aren't honest.

What makes it worst is our self-disappointment eats us up, sometimes even without our knowing. And that's what makes this entire thing scary.

As the fireworks painted the night sky three hours ago, I began thinking : How was 2010 for me? Was I truly proud of myself? Am I still proud of myself?

I searched through the emotions I had, and I realized that I was and am still proud -- very proud of what I've done thus far.

I'm proud of the battles I've won.
Proud of the battles I've lost but courageously faced them like a warrior.
Proud of the times I told myself that I had to stop thinking and just do it.
Proud of the friends I've made and the people I've impacted.
Proud of the Idea Rawkstarrs graduates who emerged as winners.
Proud of my fellow Idea Rawkstarrs who graduated together with me.
Proud of allowing myself to feel and experience every feeling.
Proud of the fact that I've grown.
Proud of the honest words that I've said and that have changed lives.
Proud of being authentic.
Proud of finding new, awesome friendships.
Proud of my accomplishments
Proud of ... and the list continues.

Bottom line is, I had made myself proud. And I know for a fact that when I'm proud of myself, I don't need to seek for approval or affirmation if someone else is proud of me. What matters is me, and my honesty with myself.

And maybe with this newfound self pride, 2011 will be a stronger, more challenging year for me to grow myself and to impact more lives.

Hello, 2011.

#YearInReview : 2010

2010-12-30T23:28:00.000+08:00

Early this year I gave myself a list of things I wanted to accomplish in 2010. As this year draws to an end, I suppose it's beneficial to review what I've accomplished this year like what Seth Godin did.

So here's the things that I wanted to accomplish early this year :-

Apply for University and make sure I get in
What happened : I started working at 95% The Advertising Academy. Of course, I did go for multiple edu fairs, applied to a few Universities, got accepted very quickly because of the portfolio I had at hand and got chased by the respective Universities to pay up to be a student there.
Compile my portfolio
What happened : I have a better portfolio with two (2) really good ideas. Note that I said it's a better portfolio, but with the portfolio I have right now, I doubt it that agencies will want to hire me just immediately. But it's definitely better than what I had after graduating from college.

Those two were of course the ones that were concrete "things to accomplish in 2010". But here's what I've done throughout the year :-

Joined 95% The Advertising Academy as Marketing Executive
Joined and Graduated from Idea Rawkstarrs (IMHO, a terribly and terrifically awesome training youhavenoidea)
Facilitated Idea Rawkstarrs
Project Managed Ad Unplugged 2010
Gave multiple college talks about advertising and copywriting
Produced the One Young World report that created a lot of buzz globally and in the media (it was talked about on CNN and BBC and Reuters); got leaders like our Prime Minister, Richard Branson, Kofi Annan, etc. to talk about it and compliment Malaysia for being the only nation to produce such a report for One Young World
Finally graduated from Life College. And of course, directed my first interview video for the graduation. Here's the video of the graduation :-

LIFE COLLEGE GRADUATION 2010

Along the way I've made many new friends and grown a lot. Perhaps the latter is more important than everything I just mentioned in this post.

When I say 'grown', I am talking about all the things about myself that I had to confront, all the courage I had to summon and the loneliness I often feel during those painful confrontations. I've learned to look at things from fresher perspectives, learned to feel, learned to believe and push beyond my boundaries. I've discovered so many newer things about myself that I used to refuse to see and acknowledge. In short, it has been quite a journey.

And perhaps that's what making 2010 taste so bittersweet right now. It's not about the accomplishments I've done but the person who has grown. After all, the person determines the outcomes of things he/she manages.

So here I am, not thinking about 2011 yet but just dwelling in the last few moments of 2010, drinking in every bittersweet taste I am experiencing right now, enjoying my holidays before I start work again.

2010, it has been a very challenging year for me. Constant challenging myself, constant confronting myself because I will not settle for second best for myself, constant climbing another mountain. You've been a stepping stone in my life, an important chapter in my story. Thank you.

"I believe life is made up of moments...

2010-11-23T11:42:00.002+08:00

Don't know much about your life

Don't know much about your world but

Don't wanna be alone tonight

On this planet they call Earth

You don't know about my past and

I don't have a future figured out

And maybe this is goin' too fast

And maybe it's not meant to last

"We are like clay molded by moments. And that whole process of molding is called life."

She smiled and shot into a run. In her sun dress and fine silver slippers, she ran across the wide field, leaving me behind, in awe of her innocent beauty. She turned around, her hair twirling as she moved.

"Who said it's going to be an easy journey? Not even the most philosophical person! Who said it'll easy for clay to be molded? Haven't you asked yourself if the clay ever felt pain when the potter molds it?" She shouted across the field.

But what do you say to takin' chances?

What do you say to jumpin' off the edge?

Never knowin' if there's solid ground below

Or a hand to hold or hell to pay

What do you say? What do you say?

I stood there. Taking the entire view in. She, her dress, her hair, the sunlight, the greenery... "If only it was easy!" I shouted back. "If only life was easy!"

"Questions that begin with 'if only' won't bring you anywhere, Jon! It's questions that begin with 'what if' -- those are the questions that will cause you to soar!"

I just wanna start again

And maybe you could show me how to try

Maybe you could take me in

Somewhere underneath your skin

"I want to relive my life, you see! I want to rid myself of all those regrets! I hate where I am right now, I hate being so crippled by my past!"

"Everyone has a past! The only difference is that they make a conscious choice to accept their past, be okay with making mistakes and move on!"

She turned around and continued running.

"Where are you going?" I hollered. "You're going too far!"

She paused, turned around, "I'm living this moment. Won't you drop your yesterdays and live now?" She continued running.

What was I thinking? What am I going to do? Why am I alone standing here, thinking to myself about my yesterdays? Does my past matter? Does it matter more than my present which will shape my future? How long more do I want to be stuck justifying my past, condemning myself, telling myself that I am not good enough, that I could have done better? How long more do I want to choose to beat myself up when I can spend the time working on bettering myself right now?

No more. I will choose to treasure the now. I will choose to make good use of the time I have with me right now, lest I end up regretting and beating myself up about today in the near future.

I will choose to defy gravity now.

I ran after her.

What do you say to takin' chances?

What do you say to jumpin' off the edge?

Never knowin' if there's solid ground below

Or a hand to hold or hell to pay

What do you say? What do you say?

"Where are you!" I hollered as I run.

"Don't look for me by shouting! You'll cloud your judgments." Her voice shouted back but I see her not. "Feel me. Believe that you'll find me, set your intentions to find me, and you will."

I ran and ran and ran. It was no more a wide field; I was now running through the forest. Soon I realized I knew not where I was headed to. It felt like when I was a teenager. So lost, so uncertain about myself and my future. What was I looking for again? Why did it matter?

Finding my answer, I looked around and for the first time, I listened to my gut. There, it said and I sprung off.

Hey now, hey, my heart is beatin' down

But I'm always comin' back for more, yeah

There's nothin' like love to pull you up

When you're lyin' down on the floor, babe

So talk to me, talk to me like lovers do

Yeah, walk with me, walk with me like lovers do

Like lovers do

Running with refreshed purpose, I headed towards the darker side of the forest where tall trees blocked the sunlight. What do I do? Do I plunge into the unknown? I shouldn't have listened to my gut. I should've just ran towards where I thought would be right. But I've already made it this far, why do I want to back track?

Tentatively, I took a few more steps.

"What's holding you back?" I heard her voice. "What's telling you to worry and recalculate your bearings? Has life ever been mathematics with formulas and right solutions? Has living ever been that? What's stopping you from going a hundred percent?"

Me. My need to be right. Because when I am right, people will look up to me and praise me. If I screw things up like the past...

"Who's talking about your past? Move on. Who cares about your past? Who remembers it?"

I...

"Only you remember about your mistakes! Everyone else is too busy worrying about his or her mistakes; they don't have time to laugh at yours!"

I stood there, baffled. What do I say? What is the right thing to say?

"Again, you're thinking about what is right. If you're always worried about being right, you'll never succeed because people who do the right things are boring. Look at the leaders of the century. Have they done anything right?

I had enough. Enough of all these confrontations. Enough of honesty. I can't stand them.

"What are you waiting for, Jon? What's stopping you from taking that plunge?"

I burst into a run. And suddenly found myself running out of the dark forest. Light shone onto my face, and there I saw the end of the road. I forced myself to stop running.

Then appearing out of nowhere, she held my hand and smiled. "Nice to see you again. I see that you've taken a chance and found yourself here."

She took a step forward.

"Wait, where are you going?" I asked her. My heart beating fast, worries exploding throughout my mind. "What are you doing? It's a cliff. You're going to fall --"

"I know. But

"What to you say to takin' chances?
"What do you say to jumpin' off the edge?
"Never knowin' if there's solid ground below
"Or a hand to hold or hell to pay
"What do you say? What do you say?"

"I say you're crazy. You're --"

"I say you're scared." She looked me in the eye and spat it at my face in all honesty. "I say you'd rather be boring like everyone else. I say you'd rather dwell in pain than be awesome. I say you'd rather take the easier way out because you're scared of being great. You fantasize about how awesome you want to be, but when it comes to taking the plunge, you say 'Don't be stupid.' Again, you're stuck with doing the right things."

"This is not a joke, Denil. This is not a joke at all. You could die!"

"But I could live too. Who's to say what is and what is not? Sometimes the best moments in our lives are moments when we take the plunge without hesitating, without worrying about how others view us, without the need to be right. What is more important to you -- to be right or soar? You can only have one at a time."

I fell silent. I didn't know the answer. Why don't I know the answer? Was it because I was doing what she said -- looking for the right answer? Ah, screw it.

I looked up. "To soar. That's what I want." I said with certainty.

She smiled. "Great to have you on board." She grabbed my hand and together we ran. Off we jumped from the cliff, spread our hands as if we were flying. The cold air rushing against our face.

Free fall.

"When you take the leap, you'll fall. But you'll fall with pride. And who knows, you might just end up at a better place." She shouted.

Freedom.

Don't know much about your life

And I don't know much about your world

Dear you,

I don't know about you. I don't know anything about your life. I don't know anything about your world. But have you been finding right answers for too long?

Is it that bad to be wrong? So what if it's wrong? What's the worst that could happen?

It's not about the past. It's not about what have you done before. It's about what can you do now to make this moment worth remembering.

What do you say to takin' chances?
What do you say to jumpin' off the edge?
Never knowin' if there's solid ground below
Or a hand to hold or hell to pay
What do you say? What do you say?

Love,
Me.

Taking Chances

Lea Michelle

Glee

"Do you know why I'd rather be boring than create?" she asked me.

2010-11-18T02:50:00.002+08:00

I looked away and stared hard into the sky. Why? I asked, half not wanting to hear her answer.

"Because creating takes a toll on me." She looked away and stared into the distance.

I didn't speak. In fact, none of us spoke. It was as if we both agreed to let that sentence sink deep down into our heads and hearts.

But the silence was deafening. Somehow she expected me to say something. Something, anything, so that the tension, the pressure that's beating against her chest could be tamed. But nothing was all I could do.

Taking a sip of coffee and mustering more courage, she looked down, as if ashamed by what she was about to say. Her heart was racing fast. She could hear her heartbeat as if she placed her ears on her racing heart.

"When I create, I take on all the experiences I've gone through, especially the painful ones. The ones that I hate, detest, loathe at whenever I think of them. And I hate the fact that I need to revisit all these haunting ghosts of yesterdays I wish every single day I didn't have. Then these stories, these characters, figments of my fragmented self don't need to exist.

"And it's as if I willingly willed them to live just to satisfy this need to create. If creating is so painful, if that's what it means to be creative, then I'd rather not create. I'd rather be boring. I'd rather not live."

I looked at her. A tear rolled down her left eye. What could I say to ease her pain? Nothing, because it's her experience. And no words can even soothe the scars on her heart. If I could...

"When I look at my hands after creating a short story, I see those red marks, those scars, those hurts that shouldn't have been there because I didn't deserve them." She said, her voice breaking. She could've stopped and finished her coffee. We could leave and go for a happy comedy movie, but no -- she continued. Somehow, it's as if she knew that she had to get the screaming words and emotions out of her system before they consumed her.

She continued, "I was only a child. Does a child deserve misery? Who wills that onto a child? Who wants to see a child with a broken smile? It's not fair. Not fair at all that people get to enjoy the result of a lonely person's pain. It's not fair that I have to be the one experiencing it every day, facing it alone every single day without anyone understanding the depth of pain it encompasses. How -- how can anyone understand me? How can anyone, even the most empathetic one, comprehend that sorrow I bear inside me? I'm like a well overflowing with sorrow and pain -- and people get to enjoy the product of a torturous activity -- creating."

---

An hour passed by. Just like that.

None of us spoke, leaving the words she said hanging in the air. But this time, the silence wasn't deafening at all. Funnily, it felt as if we wanted the silence to be the music of the hour, to fill our ears with it and nothing else as we stared into the distant and ponder on what she had so transparently said.

Does creating really bring that much pain? Only the ones truly creating will know. But it's known that the ones who suffer the most create the most beautiful things we now refer to as art. But really, is pain really necessary? Is ugliness really important in the process of creating something worth appreciating?

Then breaking the silence, she finished her cup of coffee and said, "Maybe that's how I know I'm alive. Being able to breathe, to feel, to touch, to see the beauty in ways people don't. Maybe that's why it's easier for me to create something beautiful, because I know what is ugly, what is loathsome. While I'd rather be boring and conventional, I can't bear the thought of not creating even though the pain of creating sometimes challenges my threshold of pain.

"Maybe I want to live more than to be boring. Maybe I want to live my life knowing that I have created some beautiful instead of just basking in my sorrows. Maybe I want to believe in colors instead of just black and white. Maybe that way, the world can be a better, more beautiful place.

"Maybe that's why we need the process of creating; we just can't stand being bland."

Of Friends

2010-11-17T20:45:00.005+08:00

My friend Andrea wrote about choosing to be a true friend. She wrote :-

I'm not looking for someone to just make me feel good about myself all the time. I'm ready to see the good and bad in me. I'm wanting to see what I can change and grow.

I don't need another person who's afraid to hurt my feelings for my own good. I need someone who is truthful and honest. You're not here to put me down, you're neither here to make me feel perfect, you're here to challenge me to be awesome.

You're not here to be better than me, friendship ain't a competition.

I don't want another friend to "be here" because it's convenient. I won't need another person who's too good to be true.

I thought that these few paragraphs resonated very much with me.

You see, I've been thinking lately about how much we pressure ourselves to be people whom those who consider friends would accept. We condition ourselves to act and be the way our friends want us to be. Ugh, even the thought of that irks be. Nausea.

Nope, I'm not being overdramatic. In fact, I think that is an understated reaction. Here's why :

I want a friend who considers me special. Like how my colleagues believe in the best of me, I want friends like that. I want a friend who sees my strengths and weaknesses and is not afraid of telling me off. I want a friend who finds honesty most honorable than sugar-coated words. I want a friend who would tell me to buzz off and be at my best than a friend who joins the BBC (bullshit buying club). I want a friend make a stand for me, especially when it's me who's sabotaging myself.

I know it seems idealistic to have such demands on friendship, but life is too short to be wasted on people who find pleasure in talking and doing the unnecessary. I'd rather spend time with people who see the value in building themselves and me.

Plus, you know what they say -- if you're surrounded by people of a certain type, you'd most probably end up like them. With that said, I want to be surrounded by people who want to continually grow themselves, who dare to be honest with themselves even if they know that such honesty will hurt. I want to mix with people who don't buy my bullshit because that way, they can challenge me. Then, it will feel like time and life is not wasted.

With all that said, I shall be that kind of friend too. Someone who doesn't subscribe to the Bullshit Buying Club, someone who'd rather be honest and transparent with others, someone who sees the better in others but acknowledges that we're all human with weaknesses, someone who supports than destroy, someone who sees value in striving for the best and being the best.

I'd rather have a few true, good friends than a sea of friends who don't subscribe to BBC and spend their time doing the unnecessary that does no good to everyone.

Being Childlike Doesn't Mean Childish

2010-11-06T04:31:00.001+08:00

My awesome colleagues and I at Staff Welfare Activity aka Karaoke.
In the first picture, there's Illyaz (my awesome logistics buddy) and Grace (the best tech goddess).
In the second picture, that's me and my awesome, awesome, awesome copywriter. There has been no one as great as her! She can do write beautifully, design, create websites, and do flash! OhMGee - literally.

When I read Seth Godin write about how important it is for a person to be childlike and not childish, I immediately smiled.

I realized that as everyone grows, we somehow learn to filter ourselves. It's both good and bad, you see. Socially, we become acceptable; but when it comes to creativity, when it comes to standing out and being different, oftentimes we end up being able to do the same as everyone else.

It is only when we embrace our childlike self, we are able to be who we truly are. Our aesthetics, our styles, our personalities - they aren't like everyone else! And that's what make us, us.

Honestly, I don't understand why there is such a huge need to be like everyone else. Is it so that we can be bland, unimaginative and unexciting like those who decide that blending in is a better option? Why don't we rather embrace our differences and use it to our advantage?

---

In advertising, we believe that great ideas come not from the mind because the mind or the brain stays true to its mission : to be safe. And safe means to be boring, bland, unexciting, like everyone else.

But our hearts, where the child who likes to play and have fun, go crazy and believe in things that 'safe' would consider stupid -- that's where great, wow, wonderful ideas come from! And like it or not, when we block our hearts, when we suppress the child within us and govern ourselves with rules and regulations, ideas will somehow get stuck. And the whole constipation phenomenon will occur in vicious cycles.

So here's what I really want to say :
If you want to create, if you want to be known for your work, if you want to be daring and live the kind of life that is not similar to everyone, believe in your heart and be childlike. Enjoy, play, go crazy, dance in the rain, smile and literally LOL, get angry, allow yourself to be sad and cry your heart out, scream your lungs out, feel pain to its core, let go of every hurt you're harboring, jump in the air, spread out your arms and imagine you can fly...

"There are two ways to live:

you can live as if nothing is a miracle;

you can live as if everything is a miracle."

Albert Einstein

Trust Your Heart

2010-11-01T01:56:00.000+08:00

Lynette Natasha my awesome friend quoted this in one of her recent posts :-

"Listen to me. Once I too, had ambitions. Not your grand ones, simple ambitions. Marriage, children and a house of our own. He died, in the mud in France. A good, solid man. You would call him dull, no doubt, but he smiled whenever he saw me and we could've built a life on that.

Your heart knows the truth, trust it."

- Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day

To which I commented :-

I agree too. Your heart knows the truth; now it's just a matter of trusting yourself and your heart. Sadly, not many do. Or rather, not many find the guts and logical reason to trust themselves or their hearts, because in the past, their hearts have failed them.

But here's the thing. I don't believe in just believing in one's heart; I believe in guiding one's heart to believe in what the heart wants to believe in. And oftentimes, with guidance, the heart can dream dreams that are so big that logical sense and minds can't contain -- but those are the dreams that change the world, that are larger than life.

And those are the dreams that I'm talking about. They change you and grow you. You'll never be the same again.

Trust your heart because it makes you, you. Nothing else, but your heart. But most importantly, guide your heart because only you can do that.

Who am I trying to please?

2010-11-01T01:36:00.000+08:00

Feel like you wanna scream your lungs out?
Scream then. What are you waiting for?

Feel like you wanna dance in the rain?
Dance then. What are you afraid of?

Feel like crying your heart out?
Cry then. Why do you care if people stare?

Feel like laughing like never before?
Laugh then. Who are you trying to impress?

I have but one lifetime. And this lifetime is short -- too short, in fact. Why do I care about pleasing another? Why do I worry about doing things right? Why do I need to be right when the bigger, better learning is when I fail? Who am I trying to impress?

Truth is, no one cares. Everyone is too caught up in getting themselves right and straight. Yes, they may have the time and luxury to judge me, but do I live based on their judgments? Do I become who they say I am?

Certainly no. I am who I am -- the person who is within, the person with the potential to climb greater heights. But why do I care about appearing right, normal... sometimes to the point of being boring? Is it that important?

If I restrain and constrain myself to acting the way others deem normal and acceptable, wouldn't that limit me in so many thousand ways? Wouldn't I feel suffocated when I should be free to express my sentiments? Nobody puts a knife at my throat and insists that I follow the customs, but I will myself to. I let myself follow the customs -- because I know it's the safer way.

But is it really safe? Is it safe to be stifled and be boring, like everyone else, when I am allowed to be who I am? The only difference right now is that I am the limiting person who stops myself from being myself. I let myself prefer to be a faceless person, a boring, normal person. A person who's like everyone else.

Is that what I really want, or do I really want to be myself?

Who am I trying to please?

Uniqueness

2010-10-31T00:38:00.000+08:00

"If you own it, we'll believe it. And you will be endearing. But fear is not endearing." - Nigel Barker, Noted Photographer and Model

I've always been a fan of America's Next Top Model for the photography, creativity, art, fashion and spirit for excellence.

You see, I've been noticing young people quite a bit. Maybe it's because I'm involved in marketing trainings for young people, but that's beside the point. I've been paying extra attention to what young people do, take in, think, fear of... And I find it immensely funny that when everyone is young, somehow, we learn the importance of fitting in with the crowd.

But here's the truth : The world doesn't need another faceless person; the world needs someone who is unique and daring at the same time. So on one side, we have young people who struggle, question reality and shrink back instead of embracing their uniqueness; on the other side, we have professionals who want people who believe and know that they're unique and powerful.

Working in the advertising industry, I often hear many Executive Creative Directors talk about the importance of being different. This is because only those who embrace their uniqueness can come out with ideas that are different and revolutionary. They don't want boring, safe-playing people. And when I watch America's Next Top Model in which the judges will constantly challenge the budding models to embrace their uniqueness and believe in themselves because they bring a different twist to the world of fashion, I see the same message again : Be different.

That's not all. These gurus I have in Advertising and America's Next Top Model talk about the same thing : Go all out, give your 100%, hold nothing back, let not your fear and that irritating little voice at the back of your mind tell you you are not good enough, and just do it.

And here we have young people who settle for the last best. No wonder they're struggling!

I wish I can tell every young person in this world to snap out of it. Forget about just passing; go and get your A! Forget about just getting through it and doing the minimum; go all out, give your 100% and have no regrets! How else are you going to succeed?

... All this because my heart breaks when I see young people who have so much potential run away from their bright future and embrace the sad, dull, lonely road of mediocrity.

Believe and Doing are Two Different Things

2010-10-20T01:47:00.002+08:00

Believing is not enough. Too many people claim to strongly believe in things but very few act upon it.

Here's the thing. If you believe in something so strongly but don't act on that belief, is that true belief? Or is it a nice way of saying "I think it's cool or it works but I just won't dirty my hands"?

If you believe in something, you will act upon it. If you believe in world peace, you will work towards creating peace and harmony in your life and those whom you have contact with. If you believe in love, you will love unconditionally. If you believe in investing in the next generation, you will go all out, charge forward, and do whatever it takes to give those young ones in your life a reason to smile, to believe in themselves, and to go all out and have no regrets.

So does believing in something only ends at believing? I don't think so.

2010-10-18T02:22:00.000+08:00

When you confront your fears, knowing full well that you may screw things up yet setting your eyes on the goal, you will find yourself in a place of strength, freedom, purpose. You no more worry about your fear because you are charging at it. You stop wasting your energy on your fear and the possibility of it screwing up. Instead, you put your all, your energy, your mind, heart and soul into the task.

That's when you emerge as a winner.

The Process of Creating

2010-10-15T01:48:00.000+08:00

The journey of creating is a process of self-discovery. When one creates, one puts a part of oneself out for the world to see.

That's why creating and being creative can be a painful process. Sometimes when we're faced with our shit, it's easier to run away than to confront it. Rationally and somehow subconsciously, it doesn't make sense to confront something so true, so transparent, so honest. How good can it be to trace our fingers across wounds that have not properly healed? It is as if we're beckoning those wounds to tear open and bleed again.

But sometimes, exposing those hurts gives us liberty. Because we are daring enough to trace our fingers across those unhealed wounds, we can understand why we have what we have. And when we know the reason for our pain, we can decide if we like it or not. If yes and if it serves us, then sure. Let's move ahead. If no and we don't like it, then what do we want to do about it? Bury it? Be open and okay about it? Tell the whole world about it? Do something different? Apologize? Be authentic? Be honest about it?

At 95% The Advertising Academy, ad practitioners from ad agencies would come to be trained. Sometimes, I would have the chance to chit chat with them. There was once when I talked with this lady from Leo Burnett and she mentioned that when Yasmin Ahmad was still around, Yasmin would get the entire office to start writing script. Yasmin will then compile all the stories and read through them, take the bits that work and combine them into a meaningful story. Wonderfully, in the process of writing scripts for Yasmin, some find healing from their past.

This is because creating shows us our past and issues from both a first and third person point of view. And that's when we can decide what to do. Do we want to hold on to it so stubbornly, thinking that we are right, thinking that we are correct and it is due to us to hold on to such past and issue so steadfastly? Do we want to move on? If yes, what will we do? Do we want to judge ourselves as harshly as we judge others? Do we want to believe in what that won't aid but destroy us bit by bit? Do we choose to continue and dwell in our issues as religiously as we once had? Do we want to continue to numb ourselves?

We get to decide our next action - not just for the character, but for ourselves.

We also get to look deep within ourselves and the characters we are creating. By doing so, we can see for ourselves a clearer picture of what is happening.

But aside from self-discovery and self-reflection, we know that our skills aren't good enough. We measure our work with those around us and with what has been produced by great people. We compare and we conclude that we aren't good enough. Doubt might overcome us, and when we let that happen, it will eat us up. Slowly. Bit. By. Bit.

And soon, we'll find ourselves lost in the sea of faces, unsure of our own identity and ability. Lost, we would label ourselves.

And believe or not, that itself is also a part of us that sometimes we just refuse to acknowledge.

With that said, I believe creating is more than just writing stories that wow people. It's also peering deep into ourselves and being honest with ourselves.

Maybe that's why there aren't many successful creators out there. And those who don't end up creating, they end up complaining or criticizing oh so religiously about what is good or bad, right or wrong.

Being the Bigger Person

2010-10-11T01:52:00.002+08:00

Here's what one of my favorite marketing/branding gurus, Seth Godin wrote:

Demonstrating strength

Apologize
Defer to others
Avoid shortcuts
Tell the truth
Offer kindness
Seek alliances
Volunteer to take the short straw
Choose the long-term, sacrificing the short
Demonstrate respect to all, not just the obviously strong
Share credit and be public in your gratitude
Risking the appearance of weakness takes strength. And the market knows it.

Being the bigger person is easier said than done, but people do appreciate a bigger person. Because when we play win-win, we create a better relationships, and like ripples, people will start playing win-win with their friends, and eventually the world will be a better place.

Seem far-fetched? I don't think so.

Of Intentions and Dreams

2010-10-10T02:00:00.000+08:00

Dear you,

I love that gush of exhilaration whenever I think of the little dreams I store within my little heart. I do admit that sometimes, these dreams seem so, so far away, sometimes to the brink of impossibility.

Sometimes, when people tell me not to worry, for my dreams are possible and I can make them happen, I cringe and doubt myself. I wonder if I am truly able to make them come true. As much as my heart yearns to see them happen, I question myself.

Who am I kidding, I hear myself ask. I am just some nobody who grins childishly at some far away dream that maybe only the richest man can accomplish, I'd tell myself. I'm no superman, I'll console myself.

And slowly, as I grew up and as I repeatedly and religiously tell myself that, these dreams started slipping out of my fingers. I soon learned to look at things from a very cynical perspective. I should delve into the sea of work, earn sufficient money and worry about those childish dreams later. Money's what matters. Success matters, and that's it. Life is that simple. No big dreams, no impossible dreams. Just. Stay. Sane. And you'll be okay.

But maybe I am kidding myself when I discard my dreams as being impossible. Maybe if I believed enough in them they might actually happen. Maybe if I stopped focusing on how impossible they are, opportunities might actually be opened to me.

Maybe if I shift from focusing on the what can't, I can begin to realize how possible they are. Really, who am I kidding? No one, but myself.

It's how I choose to look at things that determine how things unravel. No one but I can decide what is and what isn't.

There has never been a rule that you can't draw out of the line. But people just assume they can't. They think that lines are there to limit us, but no. Lines are there to guide us, to bring us from point A to point B. But how we get there is another matter.

Intention is always stronger than mechanism. If I have the intention to get something right and to achieve something, I can have a thousand ways to get that done. The mechanism doesn't matter. As long as my intention is still there, what I will, will happen. But if my intention is to give up, of course whatever I desire won't happen. It's that simple.

So who's to say if my dreams are childish or impossible? Me. And only I can decide if these dreams are worth pursuing or not. And I hope you too will find that possibility to bring your dreams to life. Once you find the intention to make that happen, the universe will conspire to make it happen.

Love,
Me.

Winning vs Running

2010-10-10T01:35:00.000+08:00

Easier said than done, I concur.

I realize that I go through this cycle -- I get so excited about a project, and I pour my whole heart into it with much hope that it will turn out to be awesome. But then, I'll somehow find myself faced with a huge problem. That's when I start questioning my ability. Can I do it? Or am I just kidding myself? Will this be added to all the failures that I have gone through?

That's when I start looking for a chicken exit. I give myself tons of excuses to make myself feel better. I start justifying my self-defeating thoughts, actions and behaviors. I start running, avoiding, wishing that the problem could be removed before me so that I can advance without any difficulty.

And I know that that is plain bullshit. There is no such thing as 'accomplishing something without any obstacles'. Only menial tasks get accomplished without any challenges.

But here's the truth : "You need to experience breakdowns before you can experience breakthroughs." - Illyaz, my colleague at 95% The Advertising Academy.

All the little breakdowns that seem overwhelming at the point of experience are necessary before I experience breakthroughs. I need to let myself go with the flow and experience it wholly, to the core of me, without letting my faith for a better tomorrow falter. I need to be okay with failing, because "failing is part of success" (also by Illyaz).

I'm right now so stuck with so many things in my life. I feel as if I need to take a breather to organize everything that I'm doing. But I'm aware that this feeling of dread, fear and breakdown are good, for I'll come out victorious.

I'll look for a way to win my battles, not a way out of it.

We're Searching

2010-10-09T13:36:00.000+08:00

We're searching. Always searching.

For love. Joy. Peace. Strength. Reasons to pull ourselves up. Reasons to believe in something, in people, in ourselves. Evidence that trust is possible. Contentment. Happiness. Accomplishment. Success.

Sometimes we know that we're searching, but know not what we search for.

So where does this lead us?

Somewhere, we know that. And we know that when we find it, we will know that that is what we've been searching for.

We also tend to think that by the time we get what we're searching for, we're done. We'll find happiness and fulfillment, and we'll not want anything else. We'll be okay and contented with what we have... but that's not true. We'll then be searching for something else. Something more.

Life is a never ending chase of something that we deem important at that point of time. Maybe it's in the course of searching we find ultimately, ourselves, and not what first set out to search for.

For only when we find ourselves, we can only truly be satisfied. With others, with ourselves, with life.

She asked : How do you stay sane when you have so many people slowly walking out of your life?

2010-10-04T01:44:00.001+08:00

I just do.

I take it in, and accept that the person is leaving for a better place and future, and then I do whatever it takes to stay sane and not think about it. I believe people have the right to move on, and so do I. I am not answerable to anyone, and so is the person. After all, we have our priorities, and 'ourselves' is definitely one of the firsts, religion aside.

Dance

2010-09-29T01:46:00.000+08:00

I think I should take up dancing.

When I meet her aka the one, I'll wanna waltz in the rain with her, or cha-cha in the middle of the shopping mall with her when they're airing some music, or dance at our wedding. Screw that need for traditionalism; we're gonna do it my way... Or so I say, because I have been told that the wedding is never the man's say but the lady's.

Ah dammit.

But you get my drift. I wanna hold her and just have fun with her, caring not who's looking - because they don't matter.

2010-09-29T01:40:00.001+08:00

You know what's exciting about life?

It's knowing that there's this unknown path in front of you and yet, you still make a conscious choice to take that road. You don't know if you'll fall in love, or if you'll land on a job that's fueled with passion, or if you'll have enough money to buy your own house, or if you'll have the chance to travel the world! But that's what makes life so beautiful and exciting.

I realized that many things don't matter, and many people don't matter. Focus on only those and what that matter - because they're the ones who'll enrich my life. There's no need to compare : who has the bigger house, the prettier girlfriend, the nicer car, the better laptop... Who cares?

What I care is how can I make a difference in those around my life. How can I enrich those around me? How can I bring happiness to those who cannot repay me? How can I teach and equip the next generation? How can I bring out the greatness of each individual I cross paths with?

Because life is too short to be wasted.

Fantasy and Me

2010-09-29T00:15:00.000+08:00

I've been trying to get my hands on finishing a 300-page fantasy storybook titled "Pawn of Prophecy" by David Eddings.

It's funny cuz I used to be able to finish a 800-page book in 5- 7 days, but I've been stuck with this 300-page book for 2 weeks already! It got me thinking, you know, why would such a thing happen. You see, I've always been a big fan of fantasy stories. Nothing excites me more than fantasy stories. Then I realized that I had to be in love with the characters in order to finish books at such a pace.

The reason why I could finish 800-page books in such a short time because I've grown to love the characters after struggling to read book 1- 5, after which finishing every book was a breeze. And now, I'm starting from scratch - learning about characters and falling in love with them.

That's when it hit me. When it comes to relationship and friendships, I shun away very quickly. I realize I had to slowly get to know the person at my own pace before I grow fond of the person. I can't stand it when people throw themselves at me, or when I'm put in situations where I had to quickly get to know people - I need my own space and time to grow to like the person.

Wow. That speaks SO MUCH about me.

p/s: That picture you see is my boss' cat - Wabi! It loves to sit alone and stare into the sky. =)

Of Believable Stories

2010-09-27T00:05:00.000+08:00

My friend, colleague and copywriter once wrote :

How do you write a love story between two lovers if you've never been in a relationship before? How do you create a world of fantasy and fiction if you're a cynical git who can't accept beliefs and opinions from others?

How true.

Especially since I'm in the business of storytelling, experience is a very important thing. How else are we going to tell someone who once loved and is now hurting that it's okay to experience all these? Or that it's okay to dream big when the whole world shouts that it's foolish and futile to have such fantasies? Or that it's not childish glee to run across the field and feel the wind scratching against your face, to waltz in the rain with somebody you cherish, or to chase seagulls across the beach?

Only when we experience, we are able to tell a captivating story. Because then, our stories will be believable, and only such stories touch the human heart.

Good Writers

2010-09-26T22:52:00.000+08:00

I once read : Writers are those who've grieved. They are the ones who hurt and feel depressed greatly, because only through pain, one can be true writers.

Well, I beg to differ.

Good writers are the ones who have experienced the highs and the lows, seen sunrise and sunsets in different lights, believed in love and hate, trusted and forgiven, been proven right and wrong, ran with the wind and screamed like no one's listening... But that is not all.

Good writers are those who made mental notes and wrote things that made them smile, cry, laugh, snort, scream and feel. They are daring people who dare to experience feelings - because only in those moments, they are able to experience genuineness and authenticity.

In short, good writers are those who have lived.

Two School of Thoughts

2010-09-25T01:23:00.000+08:00

In everything, there's always two school of thoughts - the Responsible and the Victim.

The Victim School of Thought blames. I can't do this because somebody forgotten something, because somebody did something, because something went wrong. And the common finale is : It's not my fault! How can you blame me?!

Whereas the Responsible School of Thought takes charge. I will make it work no matter how hard it is. Oh, there's a hiccup. How can I salvage this? What can I do? I won't blame; focus on what can be done to rectify the matter. And the underlying thought is : I will be responsible and make this work.

The thing about people at large is that the Victim School of Thought is what many, many people buy; but the few who recognize the deadliness of such a thought would very often switch and move to the Responsible School of Thought.

However, we have a third category of people who know that the Victim School of Thought is detrimental, but they do nothing because they prefer to dwell in comfort zone.

The constant for all three types of people is that, no matter what school of thought they subscribe to, the vicious cycle always happens : Something happens, they think a certain way, things turn out a certain way and that reinforces the 'rightness' of their subscribed school of thought.

Pause, Don't Stop

2010-09-24T02:13:00.000+08:00

"Pause if you must, but don't stop." - thingsweforget.blogspot.com

In the fast pace life we live in, we are constantly exposed to the idea of 'Perfection'.

Walk along the streets of KL and you'll see countless numbers of billboards and ads. Go onto the internet and chances are, you'll be stumbling upon articles with good copy and illustrations that impress you. And it doesn't just end there. Everywhere you go, you'll bound to see things that shout out 'Perfection'.

Maybe that's why we push ourselves to be perfect. We work so hard just to be closer to perfect. Although we have that mental picture of how 'Perfection' should look like, we somehow feel that no matter how much we try, we're still so far from Perfection.

So here beckons the question - why is it so important to be perfect?

Is it because we're afraid of being wrong? Or is it because we're afraid of being judged and laughed at? If it's yes, why is it so important to be right, to not be judged and laughed at?

Truth is, sometimes, it's better to be wrong than right. And we'll always be judged no matter what we do. People will always paint a picture or determine an idea of how we are through the way we act. If we're loud, people judge that we're extroverted - and possibly annoying. If we're quiet, people will judge that we're introverted and shy. Either way, we'll always be judged. So why bother?

Why try so hard to be perfect?

Instead, maybe it's better we slow down, pause and look at what's more important - ourselves. And falter not. Whatever we're doing is worth doing, else why would we even bother starting it in the first place. But aim not for perfection. Instead, aim for excellence.

For excellence is what is best at the time of action; but perfection is an idea that can never be achieved.

To Dive or To Feel

2010-09-24T01:47:00.000+08:00

They say the easiest way to cope with anything is to dive into work and just focus on it. For when one gives oneself wholly to work, one spends lesser time thinking about what hurts, pains or misses, thus making it easier for one to cope with anything.

However, the fallback would be what we call 'numb'.

One would begin feeling numbed to everything. Goodbyes will never seem like salt rubbing against wounds. Instead, it'll be like touching one's skin after it has been exposed to ice for a long time.

---

I'm just back from yet another visit to KLIA to send off two people to UK. I find myself at the crossroad of choosing to dive into work (which is crazily exciting and intense right now, btw) and risk being numbed (which will not be good in this line); or to feel, which can be quite tiresome.

Regardless what my choice be, there will always be consequences. Maybe the right question is, can I live with the consequences or not.

---

We choose our battles, whether we like it or not. And whether we end up victorious or not will entirely be up to us - for our choice dictates our actions, and our actions dictates our future.

To Do or To Do Lesser - Which causes more dread?

2010-09-15T02:16:00.000+08:00

As I was driving home from office after a very productive brainstorming session with Jeff Orr, Group ECD of TBWA/Tequila, Janet Lee and our 95% grads, I was mentally going through all the tasks I had at hand to complete by today, Friday and next Monday. And then, out of the random blue, I started wishing if only I can go back to college to study. There wouldn't be any challenges there. A's would be easy to score, assignments wouldn't be much of a challenge... It'd be easier anyway. I could have some fun and chill - be like how a normal teenager would be like. But then I remembered what one of my colleague said during our team meeting this week.

He said, "Something is dreadful only when you compare it to something."

It's so true, you know. If I compare to what I need to do with what I've done, my tasks now seem so much bigger than what I had to do last time. That's why I'm filled with dread.

But what if I don't do what I need to do now? Do I do lesser? That would mean less challenging, lesser sense of accomplishment, ownership and pride... Is that what I want? Definitely no. I want to feel great, to feel like I'm on top of the world. And the way to get that feeling is to not think about studying and focus on the task at hand. Because what is important is now. Now is what that matters. Not yesterday, not tomorrow, not a year to come. But now. And until I learn how to make the best of each moment, the sense of accomplishment, satisfaction and pride that I crave so much will not be mine.

So I made a promise with myself today, that I'm going to play to win. I'm going to make things work. But I'm going to put my faith in God too.

Another Goodbye Said

2010-09-13T02:57:00.000+08:00

Someone once told me that goodbyes are inevitable. They're part of life. I don't deny it, but for certain people, I'd rather not say bye.

I've said many goodbyes this year, and to be honest, it's getting quite tiresome. Not to mention the heavy hearts, sadness and tears that've been shed.

Here's to another goodbye to another precious friend. May you have a safe journey and may the Lord's angels guide and protect you.

There are a couple more goodbyes to say this year.

And I'm preparing myself for them.

Ah, I hate airports.

Love is an Odd Thing

2010-09-07T02:04:00.000+08:00

They say Love is a very odd thing. In order to receive, one must first give. And even in giving, one shouldn't hold back, for holding back love means receiving love that is held back. Instead, one should give selflessly, for one when does that, the universe conspires to see to it that one receives love in return. Ever so abundantly.

In the past, people have lived according to this : When one receives, only then one is able to give. But here comes a new doctrine, a paradox to what people have believed in for years until today. Maybe it's time we reconsider how this odd thing really works. Or maybe, it's time for us to stop wasting our energy figuring out how does Love work and love instead, for living would amount to nothing should love be absent.

Being Satisfied...

2010-09-02T00:50:00.000+08:00

Looking back the results I've been churning, I can't help but say that I'm happy. Although part of my heart still yearns to be like everyone else... the cheer of going overseas to study, the excitement of shopping for supplies like thick jackets and new converters... yet, when I sit back and see the people who I come in contact with, people who find purpose and motivation in their lives again after a talk that my colleagues and I delivered, people who are switching careers from geology, law, accounting or many others to advertising... When I think of these, I am satisfied.

I am satisfied that I can touch lives at where I am right now.
I am satisfied that though my life will not be like all of my peers, the work I'm doing is no less than theirs.
I am satisfied that at least I find peace in the changes that will be happening in my life. (Picking up the phone, thinking of sms-ing or calling someone, only to be remembered that the person is in overseas isn't entire fun, more so if the person is one whom I'm close to.)

And nothing is better when one is satisfied, because being satisfied is a fulfilling feeling - something that I'll not trade anything for.

Slipping Through My Fingers

2010-08-27T18:11:00.000+08:00

I find myself in this familiar spot, where the ones whom I've grown close to are slowly and quietly leaving - one by one.

I realize that I have somewhat let them go from my heart. Though I still feel the little glimpse of hope that I can cling onto them as they leave, I find myself making not much effort to be with them with the short time that's left.

I suppose it's because this familiar sour taste of seeing people leave have left me somewhat numb - even the sadness come across as sour instead of bitter.

I choose to see it as their benefit. They deserve enjoying this chance to see the world. They deserve to have the chance to gain a cert from a foreign country, see snow for the first time, and experience high internet connection speed. It's a blessing from God.

But yet my heart wishes for them to stay.

***

I just re-read what I've typed; the words didn't even make sense! Ah, such incoherence when the heart is low.

Living as Zombies

2010-08-23T00:46:00.001+08:00

"Death, is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside of us while we live." - Mark Twain

The greatest hell is living without purpose, expectations and love.

It's like coursing through life with no sense of direction. Everyday is lived without any enthusiasm, any reason to smile. Everything becomes mechanical and forced; nothing is authentic anymore.

Zombified - that's what I would call those who're living life like that.

Fully aware that living like zombies can occur to everyone, I shudder at the thought that I am not anywhere far from its grasp. I won't even want to begin imagining how painful it is to be living a life like that - shuffling your feet through life as time pass you by. No sunshine could bring a smile to lit your darkened face; no love song could revive your broken heart. Oh, how horrifying that sight is!

I don't need to live til 40 to know that I may have let certain parts of me die. I remember being coached by my boss about how I've let my heart somewhat die. Instead, I resort to being mechanical (which lends me strength in excelling at logistics) because I needn't feel. But after Idea Rawkstarrs, as I work in 95%, I realize that the heart is such an integral part of living. It's that part in us that yearns for unreasonable yet great things. It's what enables us to see visions and to dream big.

But our mind tells us to play safe, to not put ourselves out there because our mind knows that it feels more secure to be hidden in the dark than to hurt. We do not need to worry about people criticising us and gossiping about us. We need not worry about failing. Doesn't that sound like bliss?

Life like that would seem so much more boring and colorless. For only the ones who have truly lived are the ones who have made mistakes.

But aren't mistakes terrible? Don't they make us feel bad about ourselves? How do you live with that?

I guess that's the price of making mistakes; but what you gain from them is learning something new. You realize that this doesn't work, and in the future, you won't need to make the same mistakes.

Seth Godin once wrote, "Don't try harder. Try different." My trainers in Idea Rawkstarrs once said, "Insanity is doing the same over and over again while expecting different results."

Someone once told me that life is better lived when one learns things the hard way, because that way, one will be able to see the value of the lesson. Yes, it might hurt like hell; but the lesson will lie deep within one's heart - and that will make life even more beautiful and meaningful.

I guess what I'm trying to say is mistakes are bound to happen, but it's the attitude we have when we make them. We can't do the same thing over and over again when we keep getting the same results! That just doesn't make sense! Worse, we tell ourselves, "Never mind. I'll try harder!"

Try different instead - that's what I'll remind myself on and on.

With the fear of making mistakes clouding our hearts, it's so easy to numb our hearts, thus letting that integral and vital part of us die. We end up becoming so mechanical, going through the motions of life like zombies.

Instead, we should strive to always guide our hearts especially in the midst of failures. We need to tell ourselves to look at the brighter side not because it's better to do so, but because we want to protect our hearts from dying.

For when our hearts die, nothing seems to matter anymore. Nothing seems to carry any weight. Nothing seems to ignite our passions anymore. That's when we die.

Valedictorian Speech

2010-08-20T12:16:00.001+08:00

Yesterday was my graduation - a momentous occasion, an event I will hold close to my heart. I'd like to share my valedictorian speech with you. As much as it has touched me while preparing it and those who were at the ceremony, I hope it will encourage you too. =)

-----

Dear Dr. BC Tan, Chairman Academic Advisory Board; Mr. Raymond Mooi, President and Founder of Life College; Ms Chong Weng Lian, Chief Executive and Principal of Life College; Dr Jerry Chong, Director of Academics; Mr. Josiah Wong, Academic Dean of Schools; Ms. Gina Marini, Head of English Department; and distinguished guests, parents, teachers, graduands, staff and students of Life College, good morning.

CEO of an established advertising agency called Gan For Hire, Peter Gan (also known as the Branding Guru in Malaysia) once told me that "Life is made up of moments. There is no one moment that is similar; each is different and unique. One moment you're happy, the other you are sad, and it is all these moments, combined together, that makes life so enriching."

Moments. How often we let moments slip us by unnoticed, as we travel this road called 'Life'? How often have we paused and looked at our surroundings just to soak up everything that is happening, just so that we can cherish each and every detail of it, just so that we know for sure that our lives are spent well? How often have we enjoyed silence and solitude, danced under the rain, just because we wanted to and we felt like it, without any worry that someone else would cast a judgmental look at us and say we're being childish?

Most importantly, how often have we dwelled in self-doubt and our preconceptions of what should be and what shouldn't be, when we could have defied gravity and soar?

Dan Miller in this very powerful movie 'Peaceful Warrior' said, "You make every move about the move. Not about the gold. Not about what your dad thinks about you. Not about anything. But that one moment in time."

Moments. Until and when we realize how powerful each moment can be, we will be like many people in the rat race, competing from one competition to the next, without realizing how much time we've wasted when we could've used those moments to live life to its fullest.

This moment, my honorable guests and beloved friends, this moment is the one moment we, as graduands, put on these gowns and pride in ourselves for finally finishing the race of "Diploma in Mass Communications, Business or Multimedia." This moment is the one moment we pat ourselves on the shoulder and smile to ourselves. This one moment is when we see that the end is just the starting of a fiercer, more engaging race. And once this moment is over, just like a race as the gun is fired, off we shoot into life, running like athletes, never slowing down.

So to my fellow graduates, our lives here in Life College have built a foundation for us to be champions in the society and the working world. Obstacles, like strong roaring waves will come and sweep against us, but it takes a determined strong-willed soul to withstand the struggles in life, to tell ourselves that "Impossible is impossible" and to get back up whenever these waves wash against us as we run the race of life. For this is what I've learned after months working in 95% The Advertising Academy, each moment is a moment granted by God to us to be an influence, to be a change, to do something that will amaze ourselves and others. But the choice lies in us. Whatever it be, whatever happens, remember that it is not the destination that brings happiness but the journey.

To my beloved lecturers, especially Ms Jessie, Mr. John Beh, Mr. Kenny, Ms Goh Choon Ean and Ms Kin San, your passion and your caring hearts have showed me that there is hope in the Malaysian education system. You have showed me that teaching goes beyond lecturing about facts and figures, but also showing concern from the heart. You have shown me that you will take what it takes to deliver a lesson, to make an impact, to be a difference. And in my life, you have done so. Thank you for your patience.

To the staff in Life College, especially Ms Nicole Tan Beng Im, Ms Sheah Lai Yee, and Mr Eric Lee, life in Life College would have been so different if you weren’t around. Even if you do not say it, I could see your endearing dedication and love for this college and students, in your actions and in your heart. You have made Life College what it is today. Your heart, passion and love have brought and will bring this college to another height.

To Ms Chong, thank you for your patience and your heart. Hearing you say "If each of my staff can make at least one student feel comfortable, then I’m happy", hearing you say these words gave me even more reason to respect and love you as a principal of Life College. Thank you for your dedication, humility and perseverance.

Last but not least, to my fellow juniors, wherever you are, wherever you may be, wherever you may end up to be, take faith. Because this means there will be more opportunities for you to rise and be leaders, to shine and be spectacular. I urge you to seek betterment, to be a change, to stop playing safe and be spectacular instead.

Finally, Winston Churchill once said, "You ask, what is our aim? I can answer in one word. It is victory, victory at all costs, victory in spite of all terror, victory, however long and hard the road may be; for without victory, there is no survival." So, my dear graduates, to victory! To excellence! To life!

Thank you.

2010-08-10T01:47:00.000+08:00

Someone just told me : "i feel that you've really been doing all you can to make this work, even more so than i am. its just the way you do things, stay up to sms her all the copy, receive the crap for me coming in late that day (bleh), constantly look into everything and all... haha, i say so because i have a hard time catching up with you in other words"

Dear you,

You have given me the question that has been bugging me for quite some time.

Thanks for reminding me that whatever I do will somehow affect those around me, and that it's a responsible choice to take charge instead of playing the victim game even if the latter is easier.

Thanks for reminding me that whatever I do matters, and that my little efforts don't go unnoticed.

Thanks for being a listening ear (even though sometimes I am quite inclined to think that the species with listening ears is almost wiped out of this earth because a lot of people are only concerned about themselves).

You rawk, rawkstarr.

Live

2010-07-31T01:57:00.000+08:00

Someone once said :

"... don't bother with trying to write better. Just get out there and live the best you can, and love like you've never loved before. You'll get hurt. And people will let you down. It's okay. Allow yourself to feel hurt. Allow yourself to be disappointed. Smile, laugh, cry, scream. And do it all over again.

"If you can do that, I think the writing bit will come along just fine. Don't bother second-guessing yourself. There is no right or wrong. And don't forget to take notes. You might be surprised at the things that people say."

It's easier said than done.

Live. Live. Live.

See how that word lingers whenever you say it out loud? There is this life attached to it. And somehow it seems so complex and simple at the same time.

It seems to encompass everything about life - the way you talk, run, breathe, think, act, believe... The way you hurt, cry, smile, hug, envy... And perhaps many, many people on mother earth - the way you numb yourself to the emotions of life, and hinder that part of you - your heart - from growing.

Ever since I entered college and began reading and writing more than any other phases in my life, I have begun noticing how people say one should live, how one should devote oneself to a supernatural being or maybe oneself, how one should go all out... And assuming that everything that is said and written is true, that then is truly, truly mind-blowing. Maybe to the point of "difficult to achieve".

But I suppose the main point is, regardless of how one thinks one should live, regardless of the principles each of us have, living is a matter of choice. How one behaves, thinks or feels is completely up to the person; but one should never get this wrong : Living is a possibility.

A possibility to many great (and small) things. A possibility to do great (and bad) things. A possibility to achieve greatness (and evil). A possibility to touch (and destroy) lives.

For me, living is not just a possibility; it's an opportunity to feel and to experience. And until I stop breathing, I will continue to grab hold of each opportunity and be okay with it.

So then, live.

Because it takes a man to be responsible

2010-07-25T23:30:00.002+08:00

It was lunch time and our routine to be at this little humble baba nyonya shop for lunch. My awesome boss Janet Lee, my great Creative Head Chee Chiaw and I were there waiting for food, while both of them were playing Angry Birds on my iPhone.

It was then this conversation started :-

Jon : Yasmin is really fortunate to have accounts like Petronas to work on. I don't think everybody gets the chance to work on such accounts.

Janet : Yeah.

Jon : Then isn't it unfair to those who don't get the chance while Yasmin gets all this fame?

Janet shot back : That's the victim response.

And it was then it hit me hard at the face. That's the victim response.

I realized that there are many times I put myself down, thinking that I can't do this or that, or can't get this or that because I did not have the opportunity like others. And now, it's time to stop thinking like that - because everything starts with the mind.

The difference between a victim and a responsible person is this : A victim says, "Because I don't have this, because I don't have the opportunity, because I am not good enough, that's why I can't shine. That's why I can't be as successful as the other person." But the responsible person says, "Fine. I may not have this, I may not have the opportunity, I may appear to not be good enough - but that doesn't mean I can't. That doesn't mean I am beaten down or crushed. That's a better and stronger reason for me to rise, shine, and be the best at whatever I attempt to do."

And that's when life will start changing, as it has once changed for me during and after Idea Rawkstarrs.

So now, it's imperative that I catch myself whenever I start entering into victim mode.

I want to write scripts and direct movies. I don't have people around me who can take out time to hold the camera and shoot. Fine. So what if I can't use Final Cut Pro or Adobe Premier Pro as well as some of the experts in my life? I've gotta start somewhere - and that's where I am gonna start.

I want to write and inspire me. I don't have the skills like the copywriters in my life. Fine. So what if I don't? I've gotta start somewhere, and with the little skills I have, I will start inspiring first myself and then ultimately others.

I want to reach out and touch lives. I am your typical socialite who can mix around with anybody and everybody at any random time and place. So what? That doesn't mean I can't start touching the lives of those whom I mix with. That doesn't mean I can't be honest and vulnerable to those whom I love.

I want to be a damn good idea generator and be head-hunted in the advertising industry, but the skills I have are not yet refined. I am still like a baby learning how to walk. So what if I am not the best? That doesn't mean I can't.

There are a million thousand things I want to do, but as of this moment, I may not have the skills and ability to do so, but that shouldn't be the reason I stop and tell myself "This isn't for me because I don't have the resources". That should, instead, be the reason for me to say "This is an opportunity to shine."

Yasmin did not get famous instantly. She took time and years to get where she is. (And I found out that my boss Janet and Yasmin used to be great friends! And apparently, before Janet left the industry to train people, she and Yasmin were two out of the three women who were Creative Directors in the Malaysian advertising industry!)

"To dream is easy, but the road to achievement is not." - Jia Ming, Copywriter, 95% The Advertising Academy.

A Lesson from History

2010-07-22T00:54:00.002+08:00

Have you ever looked at someone, had that strong desire to open up and communicate, only to find your mind shrieking, "Don't do it, dumbass! Remember the last time..."

And the rest is like reciting the lyrics of a song you've sang since young. Say... The ABC Song.

You see, it's funny that we're created with this innate need to communicate. Every time we talk, we feel good about ourselves. And then there's this inbuilt mechanism called the "Learn From History" program which we install all our conditioning lessons, have fast access to, and refer to whenever a similar situation comes by our way.

For example, here you are, sitting alone at your sofa with a drink in your hand after a somewhat huge argument back in your college or office. The entire scene rewinds and hits play, this time with background music. You sigh.

Then comes the climax when you scream (or supposedly, 'communicating'), "Screw you!" or "I hate you!" or "Phak you" or whatever you deem aggressive, and then you cringe and tell - or some, reprimand (damn! Some of you gotta go easy on yourselves man!) - yourself, "Dang! I shouldn't have done that!"

Sounds familiar?

Well, good news is, you're human. Bad news is, that experience sucks. And that rewind thing doesn't just happen once, but twice, thrice and even four times. (How do you say four times? "Fourice"?)

So here's what you'll tell yourself : Maybe I should be yada yada yada the next time. Or, you'll start inwardly screaming at yourself, telling you that you should do such and such the next time the same situation comes up.

Now, maybe, you've learned your lesson. But not well enough, because come the third or fourth similar situation, you screw up and make the exact same mistake. And the whole cycle repeats itself.

So seriously. Are we programmed to learn from history, or are we just extremely talented in remaking them - just in a different scenario?

Think about it. *wink*

Oh Inspiration, Oh Inspiration

2010-07-10T23:46:00.000+08:00

I'm in need of a story to write. I want to write a play, or a script - but I've nothing to talk about. Hmmm... Since when my opinionated-ness departed from me? >.<

Beautiful Quotes from "Tuesdays with Morrie"

2010-07-04T17:20:00.000+08:00

Sometimes you cannot believe what you see, you have to believe what you feel. And if you are ever going to have other people trust you, yo must feel that you can trust them, too - even when you're in the dark. Even when you're falling.

We're so wrapped up with egotistical things, career, family, having enough money, meeting the mortgage, getting a new car, fixing the radiator when it breaks - we're involved in trillions of little acts just to keep going. So we don't get into the habit of standing back and looking at our lives and saying, It that all? Is this all I want? Is something missing?

He (Morrie) did this better than anyone I'd ever known. Those who sat with him saw his eyes go moist when they spoke about something horrible, or crinkle in delight when they told him a really bad joke. He was always ready to openly display the emotion so often missing from my baby boomer generation. We are great at small talk: "What do you do?" "Where do you live?" But really listening to someone - without trying to sell them something, pick them up, recruit them, or get some kind of status in return - how often do we get this anymore?

Peaceful Warrior

2010-07-02T11:16:00.000+08:00

The best thing that has happened to me this week is watching this show called "Peaceful Warrior". It resonated so much with me. It reminded me of the moments when I went through Idea Rawkstarrs, planning for Sparks, calling each potential participant and listening to them about their concerns… It was like I saw a reflection of myself in the movie.

I am sucker for winning. I love to win. I need to win. But then, looking back at my life, at my journey in Idea Rawkstarrs, in Sparks, I realized that it’s not about winning or scoring or getting things done perfectly. It’s about surrendering control.

In the movie, this young man named Dan is a gymnast. He aims to represent his country in the Olympics. He was a winner. Day and night, he worked hard and partied hard, and still was at the top. Everything was going well for him. But Dan was not spectacular. He was not great.

Somehow along the way, Dan's feet shattered because of an accident. He gave up. And that’s when his mentor looked him in the eye and said, "You don't surrender your dreams. You surrender the one thing you never have and you never will have - control. Accept that you don't control what happens to you, that you may or may not compete in the Olympics. And that you are something exceptional, either way."

I found this very powerful, because throughout my journey in Sparks, I keep hearing how the lack of confidence stopped young people from getting their dreams. How the need to be safe is so important. And I found myself in that familiar spot where I used to be – the only difference is right now, I’m the spectator instead of the one worrying about what's right and what should be said or done. Right now, there’s no need for me to be in control of everything. Slowly, one step at a time, I let go, and surrender control.

But what struck out the most was this dialogue that happened when Dan was freaking out if he should pursue his dream of being a gymnast or not since his feet was shattered. With questioning eyes, he asked his mentor: "What if I can’t do it?" His mentor shot back, "That’s in the future! Throw that thought out!" "Then when do we stop?" "There’s no stopping. Only doing."

And then I found myself in this familiar spot again. My hands trembling, my heart wavering. I am supposed to make phone calls and ask people if they'd be coming for Sparks or not. What if I can't get people in? That's in the future! Throw that thought out. When do I stop? When do I know that it's time to pull back? There's no stopping. Only doing.

At the end of the movie, Dan's friend asked him what happened to him – just like how some of my friends asked what happened to me after Idea Rawkstarrs. Dan said this: "You make every move about the move. Not about the gold. Not about what your dad thinks about you. Not about anything. But that one moment in time." This made me think about how it was like in Module 2 of Idea Rawkstarrs when Peter started the module with – "I believe in living from moment to moment, because life is about moments. It’s made up of moments. And that’s why each moment is to be lived."

Since the universe is trying to remind me on and on that life is made up of moments that are to be lived, I guess it's true that each moment is meant to be cherished, breathed, lived. And maybe along the way, I have forgotten what's it like to live in moments. Instead, I've become so caught up with what needs to be done, what's right to say… This is, then, a wake up call – to live each moment for itself, because it is not the destination that brings happiness but the journey.

Finally, I found this particular quote in the movie very powerful...

Where are you, Dan?
Here.
What time is it?
Now.
What are you doing?
This moment.

Similarly,

Where are you, Jon?
Here.
What time is it?
Now.
What are you doing?
This moment.

Change

2010-06-10T18:21:00.001+08:00

I was walking through the aisle in my office while taking a five minute break. I glanced at the pictures that were on the wall.. The success stories.. The testimonials that Executive Creative Directors, Creative Directors, Account Directors and many others have... And then I stopped at one of 95%'s legends - Fajar Kurnia.

Fajar Kurnia, the Indonesian who swept the gold, silver and bronze in 2007 Kancil Student Awards, the student who pushed himself harder than everyone else, one of the most wanted employees in the advertising scene right now. Fajar Kurnia.

I wondered what gave him that ability to be where he is right now. What exactly empowered him to go on when he was faced with all odds? What exactly gave him the strength, the reason to persevere? What was his story?

And then I thought about my journey in Idea Rawkstarrs. I remember how challenging it was for me to come up with ideas that wow-ed people. I remember how I beat myself up, harder than my trainers did to push me to another level...

I recalled what I told myself at the beginning of the training. And I smiled. How could I have forgotten it? During module 3 in Idea Rawkstarrs, I did not even remember what I once told myself. But in the end, I got exactly what I wanted for myself. And that was

To be the best at the class. To come up with the best idea.

I remember during class, I made a declaration to my classmates that I was going to come up with 5 ideas that would get stickers (Creative Directors only put stickers on work that they thought were good). Throughout the journey, I did get 5 ideas, 3 of which I decided to merge them into a larger campaign that shouted the same thing.

And I am glad, looking back at the outcome. All my ideas got stickers. One of my ideas was the best of the show, and I got what I told myself at the very beginning of the training.

I guess it doesn't just boil down to how much I pushed myself. It was also what I wanted to create for myself. And here I am faced with the same question again.

What do I want to create for my life after Idea Rawkstarrs?

Sure, there are a lot of things that have changed. I have changed, my work has changed... What do I want to create for myself?

And as I am typing this, I realize that I have already known what I want to create - change. I want to create change. Change in the way that those who come along my path, I will care for them. I will slowly create ripples of change wherever I go, whatever I do.

I want to mentor people. I want to make a difference in people's lives. I don't want to keep good things to myself. I want to share them. I want to look people in the eye and tell them that they're worth it. And those around me, I'm slowly doing that, bit by bit, each little courageous word at a time.

I want to write scripts that would touch people's hearts. I want to stand in a hall of thousands and tell them how I was changed and how they can better themselves. I want to tell those whose hearts are breaking that they can be whole again, and that there is hope for them even when the sky they see is bleak. I want to hold their hands and guide them with the little faith I have.

But in order to do all these big things, I have to start with the small ones first - myself. I realize I am not everything, but I am something. And something, though not everything, can make a change, can be a change, can change.

Why do I care, anyway? Why do I want to be a change, why do I even want to waste my energy when I somehow feel that I am alone in this battle?

Because it's not about me. It has never been, and it will never be.

A Decision

2010-06-04T00:36:00.000+08:00

Location: Room 231, Grand Kampar Hotel
Time: 12.22am

The Journey of Sparks for me has been a very, very challenging one. There are mornings when I dread going to work because I knew that the amount of energy that I needed to put in to Sparks to make it work was enormous. There were times when I wanted to look for easy routes, back doors or chicken exits - because I am scared.

I am scared of being spectacular, because to be that, I needed to give 100% of me. I had to charge, I had to be aggressive. And it's not easy to be that.

But as I looked at the bigger picture, I realized that Sparks was not about me. It wasn't about getting glory or scoring big.

It was about changing lives. About bringing new perspectives to those who've lost themselves. It was about giving reason for people to trust in themselves, to reach for the stars, to love themselves once again. Too many people I meet are jaded. Too many sickened and hurt because of their past.

And I think it's time to stop.

Because only when we realize our potential, when we stop being in denial, we will only be able to reach for our potential. Then, we will shine, like never before.

So here I am, sitting at a corner, listening to "The Day I Lost My Voice (The Suitcase Song)" by Copeland while typing this from my heart. I am mentally and emotionally preparing myself for the Sparks Training Overview or Preview that my company will be doing in UTAR, Kampar in 7 hours time.

I am not ready to give up on the daring ones who'd take up the challenge to stop denying themselves of the chance to be spectacular. I am not ready to leave it chance and hope that all will turn well.

I am ready to give my 100%. Because if I don't, maybe no one in these people's lives ever will.

I will make the difference.

Changing The World

2010-05-31T01:50:00.000+08:00

After going through Idea Rawkstarrs, I realize that I had this burning passion to work with young people because I have begun to see them for who they can be instead of who they are. I begin to learn how to hold people big, instead of boxing them up, believing that they can never change.

Sometimes I get carried away focusing on who they can be if they only realize it. Sometimes my problem is forgetting that before they be who they can be, they have to step up to the challenge. And taking that bold step is scary, freakish.

So here's what I'm going to do: I'm going to catch myself whenever I begin to judge them for not being daring enough to step up and take the challenge to be awesome, to be who they can be. I am going to take a step back and support them instead of nudging them towards the direction I think they should be. Because truth is, they need not be awesome; it's their choice. And I, as an outsider, shouldn't tell them otherwise, because I too do not like people telling me how I should live my life.

Inspiring people, motivating them is more than telling others what to do and who they can be if they dare to be awesome; it is believing in the best for them, and walk together with them. Guide them, hold their hands, and whisper encouraging words every now and then.

It's not judging; it's being patient. Because once upon a time, somebody was patient. And now, it's my turn. =)

Trusting the Heart

2010-05-26T12:01:00.000+08:00

The heart is a mighty thing. It speaks oh so truly, and never lies. It is impulsive, but true to itself. It may be numbed, but it always aspires to inspire, to be great, to be awesome. It is the resounding voice that sings louder than any trumpets, the braveness greater than a lion's, the honesty that is more transparent than the clearest waters and glass.

I've learned how to trust my heart, how to listen to it. Today, I will continue to do so. Because the heart never lies, never fails. Although the mind rationalizes, the heart never does. Although the the mind justifies and defenses, the heart never does - the heart stays true to itself.

Trust your heart, Jon. And all will go fine.

For Commenting

2010-05-17T00:58:00.000+08:00

Hey, I know there's some problem with commenting at this new template (that I absolutely love a lot). Just look at the left side where there is the name of the author (me), time and comments.

Click on 'comments' and something will pop out. That's how you can comment ya! =)

Thanks!!! =)

I Am Proud of Myself

2010-05-16T00:25:00.000+08:00

During the last session of Idea Rawkstarrs, we had this very intense session where we shared about what we were proud of ourselves. As we shared, some of us teared, because never in our lives had we said out loud that we were proud of ourselves.

I suppose it's how it has been instilled within us that there is no good in us, nothing worth being proud of. But the trainers in Idea Rawkstarrs proved us - or at least, me - otherwise.

I went in front of my training buddies, stood before them, and took out the journal that I wrote in - every single thing that I was proud of myself. As I spoke, my voice broke, because I realized how much I had pushed myself... so mercilessly, so heartlessly... because I've never really loved myself. On and on, I did things that let myself down more than others, that hurt me more than others...

And it was so much easier to hurt myself, than to tell myself that I am proud of myself.

So this is what I shared, and what I added after the training after some 'me' time:

I am proud of myself for making it so far in Idea Rawkstarrs
I am proud of myself for being a misfit
I am proud of myself for completing Idea Rawkstarrs
I am proud of myself for being able to hold my head up high and smile
I am proud of myself for seeing the potential in others
I am proud of myself for believing in the bests in others, and supporting them in their weakest times
I am proud of myself for getting stickers for my ideas
I am proud of myself for having the Idea of the Show
I am proud of myself for pushing myself hard
I am proud of myself for being able to trust myself once again
I am proud of myself for being able to love and be loved
I am proud of myself for the little talents that I have
I am proud of myself for finding myself once again
I am proud of myself for being able to connect with others on a heart-to-heart level
I am proud of myself for being detailed
I am proud of myself for being myself
I am proud of myself for being proud of myself

Of course this isn't the entire list of what I'm proud of myself. I have a whole long list. But it's meant to be kept to myself. I'll share it with you LIVE if and when we meet.

Time of My Life

2010-05-16T00:02:00.002+08:00

I've been waiting for my dreams

To turn into something I could believe in

And looking for that magic rainbow on the horizon

I couldn't see it

May 13, 2010
Thursday
Rainy

My heart has not stopped pumping. The excitement, the gladness of finally being able to graduate after a whirlwind of adventure has finally come. I can't seem to believe myself - that I've managed to go through this hectic but beyond wonderful journey called Idea Rawkstarrs.

I kept looking at the clock as I sat at my desk, working. 6.00pm. 6.05pm. Time, be quicker, please?

Until I let go

Gave into love and watched all the bitterness burn

Now I'm coming alive

Body and soul

And feelin' my world start to turn

6.30pm. Finally.

Whisking into the Training Hall, I smiled with the brightest, widest smile I had ever had in my entire life. The past glories of winning, or scoring - those seemed to be like nothing in comparison with Idea Rawkstarrs because of the things I've been through, and most importantly, the things I've discovered about myself.

And I'll taste every moment

And live out loud

I know this the time

This is the time

To be more than a name

Or a face in the crowd

I know this is the time

This is the time of my life

Time of my life

In Idea Rawkstarrs, there was no chance to doubt myself. Though such moments did creep in every once in a while, especially when I'm faced with being stuck or adversity, I had to push myself - much, much, much more than I ever had in college.

But what made this journey so exotically wonderful was the chance I had to discover myself, my strengths and weaknesses. The chance for 'me' time - to apologize to myself for letting myself down, to start loving myself, to stop condemning myself, to stop beating myself up, to genuinely feel proud of myself from the bottom of my life.

Holding onto things that vanished

Into the air

Left me in pieces

But now I'm rising from the ashes

Finding my wings

And all that I needed

Was there all along

Within my reach

And as close as the beat of my heart

The completion of Idea Rawkstarrs is burned into my mind, leaving its scorched marks. But these are the marks that I will treasure the most, because of what I've learned, discovered, grown to love.

I admit that there were times when I wondered why on earth I took this training. I could be like all of my friends - going overseas, sight seeing, learning about histories, getting to know hot chicks, exploring the world, getting to know more friends, being the popular people, having stories about how drunk they got or how much fun they had being in a foreign country, how magnificent the sights they've seen, how many places in Europe they've set foot in...

Partly in my heart yearns to be there - with them. To be like the norm, to enjoy a normal young adult life. Sometimes I might even question my decisions to work at 95% The Advertising Academy and to undertake Idea Rawkstarrs.

But after this programme, at the end of the completion of Idea Rawkstarrs, that part of me that yearns to not be a misfit has diminished more.

Because I've learned the value and the power I have to be a different individual.

And I'll taste every moment

And live it out loud

I know this is the time

This is the time

To be more than a name

Or a face in the crowd

I know this is the time

This is the time of my life

Time of my life

I am a misfit. And I'm proud to be one.

(I know my thoughts are rather disjointed right now. But it's the whole overwhelmed feeling I have that is causing this shortage of clarity)

At the end of Idea Rawkstarrs, I've cried so much more than I've ever had. I've learned how to feel, how to empathize with people genuinely. To cry with them when they feel like crying, to speak from my heart and into their hearts, to see potential in people and tell them to their face.

And it was in these times when I found the true ability to love, feel, connect. Surface talks are no more what I'm seeking. I want to hear stories, I want to impact lives, I want to have the chance to connect with young people and tell them that they're worth it, and it's time to stop beating themselves up.

I want to reach out to them, grasp their shoulders, pull them around and look them in the eye and tell them that they can, that they have abundant potential to shine - like never before.

I want to be the one to tell those who have not heard this important statement: I am proud of you.

Because there are so many out there who are dejected, depressed, lonely, unloved, doubtful, and rejected. These people have so much strength in them, but somehow along the way, their sight has been blinded, and they can't any more see clearly.

I want to be the one to wipe the tears off their face.

And I'm out on the edge of forever

Ready to run

I'm keeping my feet on the ground

My arms open wide

My face to the sun

And just like Idea Rawkstarrs, such a journey is challenging. It's a journey not for the faint hearted, not for the selfish ones, not for the ones who want to play win-lose.

But it's a journey worth investing in.

Because of Idea Rawkstarrs, I can light my head up high. Because of Idea Rawkstarrs, I can finally see the sky that I want to reach to. Because of Idea Rawkstarrs, I know I am worth more than I first thought I worth. Because of Idea Rawkstarrs, I can be who I am meant to be. Because of Idea Rawkstarrs, I can defy gravity.

And I am not ashamed to say that.

And I'll taste every moment

And live it out loud I know this is the time

This is the time

To be more than a name

Or a face in the crowd

Idea Rawkstarrs changed my world, my perception of the world around me, me.

I won't want to be that face in the crowd anymore. I won't settle for mediocre anymore. I won't let myself down. Because I know I worth more than that. Because those around me deserve the best of me. Because I deserve the best of me.

And yes. I can love more. I can feel more. I can believe more.

I can see the strength in people more. I can hold their hands and slowly massage the pain they have inside and tell them "It's okay. It's okay. I hear you, and I feel your pain."

I see a better me.

I know this is the time

This is the time of my life

My life

More than a name

Or face in the crowd

I know this the time

This is the time of my life

Time of my life....

Time of my life...

Aside from this, I am very proud of myself for creating something that three Creative Directors - Tan Yew Leong, Executive Creative Director of Leo Burnett and husband of late Yasmin Ahmad; Szu Lee, Executive Creative Director of McCanns; and Jeff Orr, Executive Creative Director of TBWA/Tequila - have agreed on that it was the best of the show.

They gave one of my ideas (the one that I taught was unimpressive) an applaud and said that if it were to happen, they can't wait to experience it themselves.

The praises and compliments I've received from my fellow training buddies, from Norman Tang (95% first success legend), from the previous Idea Rawkstarrs graduates, from Janet Lee, my beloved boss and my awesome trainer - have added more meaning, more heart, more reason for me to trust and believe in myself through the training.

This is the time of my life. I may not be your typical graduate who has walked on the soil of UK, Melbourne or anywhere out of Malaysia. But here, somewhere in KL, in some small corner where people might not notice, I will start my legend there. Slowly but surely.

I will put my heart and soul to influence, care, love the few people I met. And I will not be belittled.

Above all, I am proud of myself.

I repeat, I am proud of myself.

This. Is the time of my life. I'm leaving now - to defy gravity.

Love,
Me.

Time of My Life

David Cook

The Verge

2010-05-08T01:33:00.000+08:00

This period has been a whirlwind for me.

Starting work at 95%.
Doing Idea Rawkstarrs.
Learning more about myself.
Connecting with people in a whole new different level.
Working.
Putting in my heart and soul.
Trying.
Loving.

It just sunk onto me that although sometimes I put my heart and soul into someone, I cannot change the way people think. But one thing people will get - my heart. Yes, they may be blinded by their perspectives or obstacles - but I will not stop speaking my heart out.

Because I believe one day, someone will get me. Someone will see the genuineness I have - and believe.

Right now, I am faced with challenges everywhere. At many points I feel overwhelmed, because results aren't fast enough, my ideas need time to churn to be something better, and so many more...

But I know that this is the time for me to prove to myself that I am more than I think I am.
It is time for me to hold myself big.
It's time to defy gravity.

Because cliche as it sounds, impossible is nothing.

For Idea Rawkstarrs, out of the 150 ideas that I have vomited out, I finally found some that could work. I'm glad. But I need more. I want more.This seems impossible right now. But hell, I am gonna get it.

=) I'll be okay.

2010-05-02T00:41:00.002+08:00

Forgive this new blog template. I personally do not like it, but I uploaded it anyway because I was tired of the previous design. Will change once I set eyes on a better one. For the moment, bear with me ya! =)

Crossroad

2010-04-28T22:59:00.000+08:00

I am nowhere but at a crossroad of two choices. I can choose to give my best, and in doing so, I fear, will suck all my energy out of me. And yes, I fear this choice a lot, because all of me is yelling for me to give up and not give my best - because it's the easier route. But my heart tells me that I can, and I can do so much more. My heart warns me that if I do not give my best shot in this, I will regret.

On the other hand, I can choose to take this lightly. But then, what justice am I doing myself? I will not be performing up to what I can be. I need five solid ideas that Creative Directors will pick. I need that sense of satisfaction.

While my mind and that still small voice in my head tell me that I will fail, and I will not get what I want, my heart stubbornly begs to differ.

I am nowhere but at a crossroad. To be or not to be. To choose A or to choose B. I try defy gravity and lose all I have, or to accept sub-standards.

Do I want to regret this?

Voices of Youths

2010-04-27T17:48:00.001+08:00

They tell you where you need to go

They tell you when you'll need to leave

They tell you what you need to know

They tell you who you need to be

I hate it when people tell me what I need to do. Why do people tell me this is right, and that is wrong? Why do people love dictating the kind of person I need to be? Why do people determine what is norm and what is beautiful? Why do people judge?

But everything inside you knows

There's more than what you've heard

There's so much more than empty conversations

Filled with empty words

I want to fly, I want to soar. I want to reach up, I want to great. But everything around my life seems screaming for me to go with the current, when all I desire is to go against it, to step against the strong wind and march forward. And when I do so, judgments come like a roaring thunder, hammering against my ears, beckoning me to cringe and run away in fear.

I hate it when people talk without emotions, when people expects things to be done as it ought to be. What happened to heartfelt talk? What happened to sincerity? What happened to trust?

When have we all become so cynical, so sinister, that we speak with hidden agendas, with sermons at the tip of our tongues?

And you're on fire

When He's near you

You're on fire

When He speaks

You're on fire

Burning at these mysteries

Find me one who speaks with sincerity. Find me one who speaks from the heart. Show me that life is worth it. Show me that it is worth believing in the possible good that exists somewhere out there.

Give me one more time around

Give me one more chance to see

Give me everything You are

Give me one more chance to be... (near You)

Give me this chance to prove that life is worth it. Maybe it isn't so bad after all. Maybe with some optimism, I can make work this world a better place. Because that's what I want. And what I want should be bad, right? I want to make history, I want to be someone, I want to be great. I want to write, I want to design, I want to touch lives.

Cause everything inside me looks like

Everything I hate

You are the hope I have for change

You are the only chance I'll take

But what if I can't? What if I am not good at it? What if when I try my best, everyone laughs at me? What if... All I am is not good enough, it never seems good enough to get someone pat me on my shoulder and tell me I did well. It's never good enough to prove to my parents that I can, that I am worth it.

It's never good enough to prove to myself that I am not an accident.

When I'm on fire

When You're near me

I'm on fire

When You speak

And I'm on fire

Burning at these mysteries

These mysteries...

Tell me something I need to know. Tell me something I need to believe in. Tell me that I am worth it. Tell me that whatever I do is not bad, is good enough, is pleasant. Tell me that I am good, awesome, great. Because if you do, and do so sincerely, then you'd be the first to do so.

These dreams I hold in my heart, I dare not tell anyone. For I fear if I do speak out, they'll not be good enough to be a dream, to show people that I can, that my dreams are good dreams. I fear that someone will tell me: Those dreams are worth nothing. Just go back and study and get good grades.

I know it already! Education can get me this and that and this. But what about being accepted for who I am? What about not being secluded? What about being awesome? What about being effective? What about being love?

Don't all these count? Don't they matter?

Or are they plain garish to you?

I'm standing on the edge of me [x3]

I'm standing on the edge of everything I've never been before.

And i've been standing on the edge of me

Standing on the edge

Maybe I need to be true with myself. Or maybe people are right - that I can't.

I stand now at a crossroad. I am oblivious to what might be for me, because I am confused and tired of believing in possibilities. As much as I want to, things around me are tumbling against me. I am like trapped between two walls that are closing in. I am stuck.

Optimism is good, but reality checks are necessary. I am standing at the edge of me. I need to make a decision. Will I be told, or will I be me? Will I take in whatever others say, and let them pull me down with countless negativity, or will I choose to change and be better?

And I'm on fire

When You're near me

I'm on fire

When You speak

(Yea) I'm on fire

Burning at these mysteries... these mysteries... these mysteries

Ah you're the mystery

You're the mystery

Tomorrow is all but mysteries. And all I can is to choose to accept that and choose to make it a good one. Yes, my voice may be small. My desires may be insignificant to many out there, who taunts me of their accomplishments and belittle me of my insignificance.

But I am like a sprout pushing against solid ground to experience light. I am like a budding flower, pushing against all odds to bloom. I am not there yet, but that doesn't mean I am not worth it, not good enough, not pleasant.

Naysayers will always be there. So it's up to me to make that change. Yes, I may fall, I may fail, but I will not be overwhelmed.

I am you. Young friend.

On Fire

Switchfoot

Voices of Youths

Optimism vs Getting Work Done

2010-03-14T00:45:00.000+08:00

Optimism isn't enough. Not when it comes to work.

It's funny how a lot of people say, "You need to be optimistic." But if optimism is all that is needed, the world might just stop spinning.

I need to get to action and to make our optimism our advantage.

I've been feeding myself with optimistic songs. Songs like Defying Gravity and Don't Rain On My Parade are the songs I use to tell myself to push for the better everyday at work. Not just because my company is paying me to be at my best to perform the best, but also because I may be able to prove to myself that I can be effective even when I am stepping into unfamiliar grounds.

But that is not enough. Feeding myself with optimism isn't enough; I need to get things done. Janet, my boss, said that I tend to think too much which hindrances me from being really effective. Maybe there is truth within; but whatever it is, I have to make it work.

I am stuck - really stuck at writing some copies right now, and I need to make them work. I need ideas like nobody's business.

I am reminding myself that I can defy gravity; it's just how bad I want it.

Fresh Start

2010-03-02T01:10:00.001+08:00

I smiled today because:
I received my offer letter, and before my boss' signature was this paragraph:

Jonathan, in the time that you have spent with us, you have demonstrated great enthusiasm, responsibility, resourcefulness and speed. The next step up for you would be to break out of the 'good student' mould and liberate your sense of self. You do have a natural creative streak that you tend to stifle. Release this, celebrate this! And you'll be an inspiration.

Thank you, Janet Lee and 95%.

And so I said it - I'm officially now a worker in 95% The Advertising Academy, a place where I know for sure I will be fried left, right, center, yet, in the midst of all the challenges posed before me, I'll somehow find a way to survive, excel, breathe.

Although it's still the same every morning (I hate mornings. I want to sleep, for Christ's sake!), I tell myself every time I step into the car, ready to drive to work, that today will be a good day. That I will learn something, do something, achieve something. It doesn't matter if nobody sees it, what matters is that I am aware that I am growing.

I have tons to learn, and I desire to expand my comfort zone. So here this is, a fresh, true start of my life on planet earth where pollution is the first name of mother nature.

P/s: For the sake of the kiasu altered ego of mine, I'll just write it here: I want to be the next winner of this year's student advertising competition. SCREW YOU, maggots who say otherwise about me. =P

Just fall. It's okay.

2010-02-28T03:57:00.000+08:00

It's okay if I fall. It's okay if I bruise myself. It's okay if I fail. As long as I push myself to climb back up, despite all odds, and will myself to take another step of faith, believing in the impossibles to happen - I'm sure I'll one day, somehow or rather, succeed.

I'm once again reminded that creative people fall and fail - and they do so very often. Not because they want to, or that they're proud of failing; but because they know that every failure is a lesson learned. How else could one learn, if not for making mistakes?

I am embarking on an exciting journey. One filled with trial and errors. One in which I have no time or chance at all to laze around and relax. But one where I can expand my comfort zone. Oh, where I am standing now seems like sinking sand. I am shaken, pressed. But all is good, for I am challenged - for the better.

So,

Don't tell me not to live, just sit and putter,
Life's candy and the sun's a ball of butter.
Don't bring around a cloud to rain on my parade!

Don't tell me not to fly-- I've simply got to.
If someone takes a spill, it's me and not you.
Who told you you're allowed to rain on my parade!

I'm marching my band out, I'll beat my drum,
And if I'm fanned out, Your turn at bat, sir.
At least I didn't fake it. Hat, sir, I guess I didn't make it!
But whether I’m the rose of sheer perfection,
Or freckle on the nose of life's complexion,
The cinder or the shiny apple of its eye,
I gotta fly once, I gotta try once,
Only can die once, right, sir?
Ooh, love is juicy,
Juicy, and you see
I gotta have my bite, sir!
Get ready for me, love,
’cause I’m a "comer,"
I simply gotta march,
My heart's a drummer.
Don't bring around a cloud
To rain on my parade!

I'm gonna live and live now,
Get what I want--I know how,
One roll for the whole shebang,
One throw, that bell will go clang,
Eye on the target--and wham--
One shot, one gun shot, and bam--
Hey, Mister Arnstein, here I am!

I'll march my band out, I will beat my drum,
And if I’m fanned out, Your turn at bat, sir,
At least I didn't fake it. Hat, sir, I guess I didn't make it.
Get ready for me, love, 'cause I’m a "comer,"
I simply gotta march, my heart's a drummer.
Nobody, no, nobody is gonna rain on my parade!

Don't Rain On My Parade
Barbra Streisand

I Smiled Today Because

2010-02-28T03:27:00.002+08:00

Lynette started this personal project "I Smiled Today Because" and it reminded me of the importance of counting your happiness. Sure, counting your blessings is way too cliche, but this time, it's something different - counting your happiness.

The very things that make you smile, the very things that make you feel loved and cherished - those are the very blessings that bring us happiness. Sometimes I guess it's not whether happiness is genuine, or long-lasting or not; it's whether you grabbed the opportunity to be happy or not.

Because happiness is a treasure many take for granted. I am no exception.

And so yes, I'm joining this project. I smiled today because:

My siblings are the bestest people on this earth. Sure, they do have their shortcomings, and they do drive me up the wall (sometimes I feel like strangling them), but still, they in their weaknesses are awesome. Loving perfect people wouldn't be love, because only in weaknesses can love really transcend and touch lives, and be genuine - inside out.
I had the chance to meet up with Hajok, Sze Keong, Johanan, Chevonne, Amanda and Edson at Edson's surprise birthday party. Great fun, many laughters.
It's Crystal's birthday! Someone's turning twenteen! Tsk tsk tsk.
My mom baked!

SMILE

Charlie Chaplin

Smile though your heart is aching

Smile even though it’s breaking.

When there are clouds in the sky

you’ll get by.

If you smile through your pain and sorrow

Smile and maybe tomorrow

You’ll see the sun shining through

For you.

Light up your face with gladness,

Hide every trace of sadness.

Although a tear may be ever so near

That’s the time you must keep on trying

Smile, what’s the use of crying.

You’ll find that life is still worthwhile-

If you just smile.

This is for you -

2010-02-22T15:04:00.002+08:00

The Linchpins in my life and those to come...

Here's to the Crazy Ones
by Jack Kerouac

Here's to the crazy ones
The misfits. The rebels.
The troublemakers.
The round pegs in the square holes -
the one who see things differently.
They're not fond of rules and
they have no respect for the status quo.
You can praise them
You can disagree with them, quote them, disbelieve them,
glorify or vilify them.
About the only thing that you can't do is
ignore them.

Because they change things.

I need to keep reminding myself that it is okay to fall, to squander, to fail, to screw up, to step out of my comfort zone, to be criticized, to be looked down at or upon, to be gossipped...

Because in the end, "What's worth the price is always worth the fight. If there is no fight, there is no worth." - Lee Suit Lin.

The Splitroad

2010-02-21T02:29:00.000+08:00

Here comes the days when I sit back and wonder why I try so hard, why I give so much. I wonder if all I've done are worth something, if all I've given up for and if all I'm doing will mean something. If the mentality of giving nothing but the best and pushing for excellence are worth it.

Is it still worth it if I find myself at disagreement with others? Is it still worth it if others begin to have issues with me? Is it still worth it if I give my best and nobody sees it?

Yes, yes. I know that I shouldn't be working for others to notice that I am giving my best, but you can't blame a person to be understood, can you? If you give your all, your energy, your time, your heart and your soul and pour yourself out into doing something, and all people do is comment and stand against you, believing, insisting or complaining that you are not understanding, that you aren't caring enough, that you won't meet the mark planned... is it still worth it?

Or is it more worth it to sit back and count the stars as time fly by without anything being accomplished? Is it more worth it to keep friendships with naysayers?

My mind tells me that so is not worth it, because in the end all I get is nothing on my list of accomplishment. I won't get anyway, I won't acquire any skills, I won't be a stronger and better person.

But that is a lonely road. Nobody will see the road of hardship. Nobody (or maybe only a few) can understand the difficulty that you go through each day and night. There will be almost nobody to turn to when faced with problems, nobody to sit down with for you to pour your heart out. Who wants to be this lonely? That's what my heart tells me.

I'm looking at this split road and I wonder what should I be. Adventurous, purpose-driven, excellence-seeking; or laid back, taking life easy, seeking enjoyment, with many friends.

But if I do decide to walk the lonelier road, I know that although my heart will keep questioning if my decision, my mind would keep reminding me to see the larger picture - that one day, I may just be somebody who have lived life well.

It is also these times when I am reminded of friends who have never settled for the best. Crystal Cha, Jarod Kam, Lai Gene Lih, Jeannette Goon, Sarah Lim, Joanne Soo Liyeng, Lee Suit Lin, Michael Teoh, Bernie Quah, Tan Kee Aun, Pang Su Yen - you are an inspiration. Thank you for being so special.

You are a Linchpin. Please continue to stay so. This world needs people like you.

And so do I. To remind me of what is important.

Of sleep and work

2010-02-17T02:15:00.000+08:00

If I were to come up with a list of things to give up, sleep will never be one of them. I love it, can't stop wrapping my fingers around it, and will never let it go (unless work is concerned).

And that's the thing about me every morning. I hate waking up so early in the morning. For me, living starts in the afternoon, better still - late evening.

As much as I dislike waking up early in the morning, once I pass the stage of pushing my butt from the bed to wash up, I'll whisk into my day, my office with a smile (inner smile when I don't show it on my face) and start living each moment.

I've been working for about two weeks and I'm loving it there. Truth is, I haven't even gone through the craziness my colleagues go through every single day; but I'm ready to march on (although sometimes when I'm in much buzyness, I am tempted to ask myself why the hell I willingly put myself in such a shit).

That's why it's important to get a job I like, or one that I'm satisfied with. By saying 'satisfied', I mean the working conditions - one that I can thrive in, push for further and not be stuck or contented with what I have. I need to walk in the office empty-handed but leaving satisfied, accomplished or happy. Either way works.

I know. Two weeks is hard to tell, but I'm ready. The CNY break was a good one, and now I'm ready for more!

By the way, it's 2am now. I gotta wake up at 8.45am. Gosh. Only 6 hours of sleep! Signing off now.

While Learning and Living...

2010-02-16T01:39:00.000+08:00

Sunny Bates on Linchpins, Passion and Fear from Seth Godin on Vimeo.

Now here's an interestingly different take when it comes to being in new places, learning new things and being out of our comfort zones.

You failed? Climb up and try again. If that's what you like, do it. Do not relent. It's okay to be mediocre when you start, it's alright to suck at what you are doing when you're starting on it.

The trick is: Give up not.

I think this is a very profound advice, especially for those who are innately perfectionistic (I think I am a perfectionist to a certain extent).

Have You Ever Experienced? Ever Lived Life?

2010-02-13T22:27:00.004+08:00

GLITTER IN THE AIR
Pink

Have you ever fed a lover with just your hands?
Close your eyes and trust it, just trust it
Have you ever thrown a fist full of glitter in the air?
Have you ever looked fear in the face
And said I just don't care?

It's only half past the point of no return
The tip of the iceberg, the sun before the burn
The thunder before lightning, the breath before the phrase
Have you ever felt this way?

Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone?
Your whole life waiting on the ring to prove you're not alone
Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry?
Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?

It's only half past the point of oblivion
The hourglass on the table, the walk before the run
The breath before the kiss and the fear before the flames
Have you ever felt this way?

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

There you are, sitting in the garden
Clutching my coffee, calling me sugar
You called me sugar

Have you ever wished for an endless night?
Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight
Have you ever held your breath and asked yourself
Will it ever get better than tonight? Tonight.

Thoughts:

There was this point of time in my life when I feared experiencing. To me, feeling something new was horrifying because I won't know what I'll be feeling and experiencing.

And that's why the future is so horrifying. You don't know what is coming. You don't have time to prepare your heart, yourself to face it. Things just come so suddenly, many times you can't dodge (and if you can, you're just lucky).

But as I begin to touch the surface of advertising, and as I was watching 2010's Annual Grammy Awards (Yes, pretty outdated eh?), I begin realizing that the fear I once had was... ridiculous.

Why should I fear the future - the bad things that may come by me? Why do I fear experiencing, even though the good and bad come in a package? Why do I prefer to sit in my comfort zone? What's wrong about the future, the bad, the misfortune?

If I continue fearing, unwilling to take out that first step to truly face myself and be bold to face the world, and mostly, myself, how can I grow as a person? How will I be able to soar?

That's what makes me different from the others. My experiences will differ from others, as well as my strengths and perspectives. And only by getting in touch with myself I can be a stronger, better person. Only by that, I can unlock the hidden talents and creativity within me.

Maybe because I haven't been learning much about myself, and loving myself enough to be my best friend and to understand myself... Maybe because of that I have so successfully locked myself up to what can be, what is, and who I can be.

I like what Joanne Soo once said - "I didn't step out of my comfort zone; I merely expanded it." And it's so true. Maybe by understanding and learning about myself I can step out of my comfort zone to expand my comfort zone.

Another quote once spoke to me (I forgotten who said it); it was somewhat along these lines: In order to be creative, in order to grow, in order to live, you cannot be in your comfort zone. You have to step out of it, then can life only mean something.

Maybe that's what I need exactly.

And I guess that's why I have to admit (as much as I hate admitting it) that Taylor Swift is good in what she does. She managed to write songs about her experiences that many could identify with. Yes, at first glance, it is very shallow (and I still think it is), but look deeper and one will find that these are personal experiences, stories, expressions.

And that's what we - artists, creators, writers, musicians - need. We need to be in tune with experiences and ourselves so that our stories, our experiences can speak forth to many, and touch many. As much as we live our separate lives, we have to admit that somehow our lives do affect others. The question is how do we affect others.

I will never be afraid of experiencing things anymore. One day, I will be able to sing with certainty to audiences, or write lyrics that weigh much because I've experienced what I wrote; I can ask "Have you ever..." without asking myself the same question.

I Am Sorry

2010-02-11T11:29:00.000+08:00

I am sorry I am not your average hunk
I am sorry I am not your kind of party friend

I am sorry I am not this cool, suave guy who struts along the pavement with girls talking about him
I am sorry I am not this rich friend who would shower you with expensive gifts and toys

But I won't be sorry that if you need someone to believe in you
I will be that one

Because I believe in this quote (gotten from Brian Chiao's Thoughts)

So if you ever need someone to believe in you, write me a mail. =)

Desensitized

2010-02-10T01:00:00.000+08:00

I just came back after a meeting from Hailer. Thoughts about the magazine and ideas for my work and magazine were spinning about. I wondered what kind of writer would I want to be.

I wanted to write about stories. Stories that talk about how people worked hard to get where they are, how people gone through much struggles... And then it hit me.

These stories won't be enough to move my readers.

To many of us, something must be awfully disastrous or extremely painful, only then we would stop to listen, let alone understand. This is because we have seen and hear too much about pain, so much so that we can never identify with them anymore unless we have gone through ourselves. Or unless the shown images or clips are extreme enough to rouse our desensitized heart.

But why? Why have we degraded ourselves to such a point? Why can't we see that there are people out there who need help? These people aren't necessarily the victims of the recent Haiti incident! They may be the poor who only earn 500 bucks per month but have 10 stomachs to feed! They may be the family with a child with an odd disease. They are everywhere. Instead, we choose to be blind to all these.

Why?

Mountains

2010-01-30T03:23:00.000+08:00

Joanne Soo has always been one of the few I admire a lot. She's this power lady who gets to soar above any shit that is thrown at her. Yes, she has her tales of brokenness and heartaches, but as much as that is concerned, her ability to conquer, to rise above all, to shine have always put me in place of awe.

She wrote about how she loved dark stories nowadays, and while reading, I couldn't help but keep nodding. I understand how it feels to find beauty in death and pain instead of stupid, raging-hormones, puppy-love romance. Maybe that's why I've never liked Taylor Swift.

I see strength in killing than saving because of love, in sacrificing and being alone than crying out loud and saying words like "I miss every second you are not by my side". I would scream within myself, "For Christ's sake!" when people tell me Taylor Swift is hot, when they tell me about their romantic evenings or nights with their so-and-so, when they relate to me stories of other couples they consider romantic.

For Christ's sake.

I see truth in negativity and frown at positivity. I do not believe in positive mental attitude. But I believe in being positive in certain things.

Maybe I'm jaded. Maybe not. Who is to say?

*****

Like Joanne, I've been thinking a lot about my writing, my future. Everything seems so uncertain right now.

I understand that uncertainty is part of life, but therein lies the adventure. When you are unsure about what is to come, there is so much you can speculate about, and you couldn't go wrong - because all you did was speculate!

But this got me thinking even more. My abilities, my drive, my passion.

I have always disliked this about me - I can do a lot of things, but I can't specialize in something. Some people just have the ability to do almost everything and do them excellently. (Like Joanne Soo and Crystal Cha)

I can write, but my writing - honest to goodness - sucks. You know how those authors out there can write so beautifully and captivate millions? Yeah, they can do it so well. Why can't I?

So I present before myself thousands of mountains I can't seem to conquer, and I'm frustrated. But then I realized this: I'm only 20 (soon to be 21). And maybe what matters isn't what I've done or what abilities I have. Maybe what matters is who and what I want to be and if I continually work towards that.

I can sit back and get frustrated about a lot of things. I can complain about how God or nature or whoever is unfair for giving me my abilities. I can curse and raise my fist to heaven to protest about unfairness - why some people can conquer their abilities, why some people can look good and do well in everything, why, why, why...

But I choose not to (for the moment).

(The picture you see before this post is one that I snapped on Broga Hill today. Hiked up with Paul, Dixon, Jared, Phoebe, Jessica and her two friends. The scenery was not bad.)

I looked at Broga and told myself that I may not have anybody who understands me (or at least tries to do so). I may not have the polished skills other authors or gifted people have. I may not be a good looking person like those fortunate ones out there (and like many who silently or openly brag out how good they look). But I am going to score. I am going to conquer those mountains.

I may vomit. I may spit. I may fall. But hell, nothing is impossible.

So watch out. You naysayers, 95%, Life College, friends, families. Here I come.

Your Battles

2010-01-16T04:53:00.001+08:00

I've never despised those who struggle, because that way we know that we are alive. Though we look at those who live life from day to day without any worries (or maybe they worry about the most trivial thing like where or what they should eat tomorrow) with green eyes, there is this knowing that we don't want to be like them.

We struggle because we are aware of something that should be rectified or purified.

Life is funny. We are bombarded from all directions. We can't ascertain where all the bombs that strike us come from, but all we know is we are living in dangerous times, both figuratively and literally speaking. Why live in perilous times, have you ever wondered? Why try oh so very hard? Why give a damn?

Because maybe by giving a damn, maybe by trying, our lives may be more worth living. Maybe by taking risks and saying "whatever comes", our lives would be more... adventurous, for the lack of a better word. Maybe by making mistakes, we learn how life is not meant to be lived and realize how life should be lived.

For without mistakes, we don't learn. Without black, we can't see white.

Life is a battlefield, whether we realize it or not. It's just how we take it, how we climb up when we're hit, how we strive to live.

Not all battles are worth crying over so many times, but all battles are worth conquering. We are not losers, just maybe winners who either don't realize we are or don't want to be one.

Just do it.

Standing Tall

2010-01-16T04:45:00.000+08:00

Count your blessings. We've heard about it so much it's now considered cliche. But if I say, count your failures, what say you?

That I'm being overtly negative?

What if I said count that failures that you have never quit trying?

Think again.

It's all about perspective.

The adventurous and positive ones, they say life shouldn't be easy, for if it was, where would all the adventure be? I'd agree, to a certain extent. You see, what they failed to do is to define what adventures really mean. Does it mean stopping all you are doing, the seriousness you have and just go wild? Does it mean being yourself?

Where the wild things are, they say.

But is it so?

I beg to differ. It's not going wild, for the word 'adventure' has many meanings. To some, adventure is the roar of the ocean, the splash of the waves against the soft beach. To some, the night sky filled with stars. To some, melodious sounds and a tap or two. To some, words, scripts, stories.

However, along these adventures, while we journey this life, failures are bound to happen, and there is nothing we can do about it. But, the strong would keep trying, keep trying oh so hard until they could rid themselves of this failure. Maybe mentally, maybe literally.

And I am of no exception. Here are three things I have continuously failed at but never quit trying:

Procrastinating
Taking out time to exercise, go for badminton or basketball, anything...
Stop worrying about what others think of me

"A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable

but more useful than a life spent in doing nothing."

—George Bernard Shaw

What are your three things?

Why are you striving?

2010-01-11T02:18:00.000+08:00

By Your Side
Tenth Avenue North

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go

Rid of Childhood?

2010-01-09T03:34:00.000+08:00

Here are the 5 things I loved when I was a kid — and continue to love today.

Disney movies. 2D cartoons are awesome. Princess and the Frog. Blisssss.
Soya bean drinks.
Pokemon.
Doughnuts
Wizards and Warriors.

What about you? What's the 5 things you loved when you were a kid—and continue to love today?

Hello Myself

2010-01-09T02:38:00.000+08:00

Dear Control Freak,

I know how you came about, and nope, you don't scare me because I know you helped me so much. Sometimes I do wonder why we had to cross paths, but if we didn't, I won't be who I am today. However, as much as you are an asset, at times, you may be a vice too, you know?

Sometimes I hate it when you scream in my ears, beseeching me to take over when I should be letting others determine the way they want to take. I swear one day I will go deaf because recently you have been popping out so very often, and yes, you annoy me. Of all times, you choose to appear at the wrong times!

So I've been thinking what would work for both of us. Maybe... we could lay all our wants and demands of each other down, and just... you know, take a bloody chill pill. Sip some champaign... Oh! We could make a toast. Say, to peace! *LOL!* Or, we could go on an ice-cream marathon. It'd be something different. While you get to chill and stop controlling, I get to enjoy some ice-cream. And don't you start counting how much money I would be spending on those meltable, indigestible nonsense.

Let's take a break, shall we?

To chivalry, to partnership, to success. Oh, and not forgetting, to chilling out!

Jonathan Chu

Hello 2010

2010-01-09T02:21:00.000+08:00

So the year I've both fret and longed for has finally come. Not that I'm complaining, it's just ten years ago, I would have been dying to see this year come forth. I'll have my own car, my own computer, my space... And true enough, I do have all these. But, on the other hand, I wouldn't want 2010 to come so quickly now. Especially with all the responsibilities and the likes I need to take on, the expectation to be mature (can I have a break, people?), the constant reminder at the back of my head that I need to complete my studies as soon as possible, get a job and start earning money so that my siblings can go to college...

I so don't want 2010 to come. But it's already here, and the first week is about to be over! *gasp*

So what? I ask myself.

After a moment's thought, I decided that this year would be different. Somewhat... exciting.

So here's what, I told myself:

Play more. What's life without playing, aye? I can't just work all day. All work no play makes Jon dull!
Apply for University and make sure I get in
Compile my portfolio. I just realized how... unimpressive the portfolio I currently have is. Or, maybe I am demanding too much of myself, maybe I am expecting my portfolio to be like a pro's... But what's the harm, aye?
Plan. Plan. Plan.
Think. Think. Think.
Write. Write. Write.
Read. Read. Read.
HAVE FUN...

But all these are just the temporal things that would make things seem good. So I decided to add these to the recipe of how-to-survive-2010 too:

Talk less, observe more. I realize the ones who talk less and observed more were the ones with more insight and maturity.
Smile.
Try to judge lesser. I think I judge things a lot. Dont mention people.
Understand that a person can't tell good stories and write good lines without going through difficult times, having enlightenment and enduring hardship. There is no shortcut in life.
Everything is a choice.
I should stop procrastinating. Yesterday I said tomorrow; it's time to start telling myself, today, present, NOW.
Accept the things I can't change. If that fails, then try to accept.
Believe in the positives.
Learn how to find bad in good.
Dare 2010, as if it were a person. I AM GOING TO SMACK YOU DOWN, CONQUER YOU AND THERE AIN'T NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT!

I am a very tame and shy person, ignore the alter ego.

So what about 2010? I'm ready.

Bring it on.